Communicating with children

CEBU, Philippines - Perhaps one of the biggest challenges of parenthood is communicating with children. Especially with little children just learning to talk, it is very difficult figuring out what they are trying to say and equally difficult to make them understand what their parents want to tell them. It's an entirely different language with kids that parents need to learn.

The website www.prokerala.com describes it as an art to effectively communicate with children. Kids just do not speak with words, the website says, they use the entire body to communicate. A gesture, a body movement, a look on their faces, a cry... all these try to convey something.

It helps that parents have the natural skill of interpreting and understanding the non-verbal cues of their children. But oftentimes the parents' natural communication skills with their little kids are not enough. Thus, for the most part, effectively communicating with children remains a challenge.

There's a saying that "in order to understand someone, you have to put yourself in his place." This applies with children, as well. In order to communicate properly with small kids, it is important to understand their minds.

The parents' duty to train their kids, teach them or guide them, would be either too hard or downright impossible to carry out if the parents are not familiar with the kids' "language." Parents need to "speak" and understand that language if they have to successfully get through their little ones.

Thus, conveying ideas in ways that the kids understand is essential as does being familiar with the mixed signals that kids often send. When properly established, communication helps a lot in developing the emotional attachment between kids and parents.

The webesite www.prokerala.com shares the following ideas to help parents establish good communication with their children:

• Communication with children starts from listening to them. Kids are to be the starters. The parents should attentively listen and observe how children behave and convey things. Careful listening and observation help parents to understand how children convey their feelings and what gesture or action represent a certain emotion.

• Knowing the kids' expressions will help parents to learn what the kids want to say to them. Once parents get the right path with the kids, they can then infuse into the kids' communication skills the proper forms of language, including gestures, facial expressions and body language. Parents can teach them words that stand for objects. When feeding food to the kids, for example, the word food or the name of the specific item served shall be said so that the children may learn the association between the object and the sound. Later the kids will learn to pronounce the word to refer to a particular food item. This is the way of conditioning their language skills.

• Some parents communicate with children through punishments. When kids cry, they take out a stick or show a gesture of punishment to scare the kids. But parents have to know that punishment is the most destructive method of disciplining a child. Punishment means blame, shame and humiliation to children. Of course a punishment or gesture of possible punishment sometimes makes the children obey what the parents say, but it is a negative way of conditioning the kids' behavior. With punishment, parents may only succeed in creating very silent and obedient kids that lack self esteem - and communication disabilities, depression etc. are to be expected in their future life.

• Minor punishments are at times necessary to discipline problem kids, but punishing is not to express the anger of the parents but to convey to the children the necessity of being good and well-mannered.

• Proper language shall be used when talking to children. Kids learn everything easily by mimicking grownups. What they learn by observation from their parents the kids naturally integrate into their behavior. Thus, teaching proper language and communication is essential.

• Parents shall train their kids to use the right words for each of their needs. If parents require them to talk in clear language, the kids will try to comply. It helps to talk to the kids with examples. If the parent wants the little kid to pick a banana and bring it to her, the parent shall first show the little one the banana and ask the child to bring it to her. Same way, if the parent wants to tell the kid that his or her room is messy, the objects that are scattered around shall be pointed out and then the kids shown how to clear the clutter.

• Parents shall never try to avoid any questions from their children. Being highly curious at what they see, children tend to ask questions all the time. However silly the questions the kids ask, parents need to answer them properly. Avoiding their questions can make the kids to refrain from asking or talking to the parents. Children shall be encouraged to talk, and as much as possible they shall be included in family conversations, and they shall never be interrupted when they try to communicate or say something.

• Constructive criticism and generous praise inspire little children, and they shall be given great amounts of these. Parents shall avoid talking bad about their children to a third person in the presence of the children; it can create adverse results.

• Parents shall find time to spend with their children, to listen and talk to the kids. Kids love listeners than talkers. Listening to them talk will encourage the kids to develop their verbal skills.

Communicating with children being an art, different parents will have different ways with different kids. Certain communication styles will work with some kids and not with others. Again, it's an art - and art entails creativity. (FREEMAN)