Love yourself before you love others

There’s a cliché that goes, "You cannot give what you don’t have.” In the realm of love and relationships, you cannot love others, when you don’t love yourself.

There are people who cannot love themselves because of traumatic experiences they had when they were children. Maybe, they were verbally, physically or emotionally abuse. Hence, they have low self-esteem; they feel they are worthless individuals. Because of this, they carry the “wounded child” within them.

People who have low self-esteem try to please other people in order to be loved and accepted; their happiness and self-worth depend on other people. According to a sage that when you depend your happiness  on other people, you can never be truly happy. Because happiness is only found within – within your inner being.

In a relationship, some try to look the qualities that they are wanting, only to find out that it could not be found in their partner. Hence, frustration seeps in the relationship. The result of this ‘quality hunting game ‘ ends up in frustration and conflict — disharmony rocks in the relationships.

So, how can we love ourselves? The following are the suggestions of  Louise Hay:

Stop all criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive yourself. Let the past go. You did the best you could at that time, with the  understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don’t scare yourself. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure and immediately switch a scary thought to a pleasant thought.

Be gentle and kind and patient. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would treat anyone you really love.

Be kind to your mind. Self-hatred is hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change the thoughts to more life-affirming ones.

Praise yourself. Criticism breaks down your inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support yourself. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow  them to help you. It is being strong to ask help when you need it.

Take care of your body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimism energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in. Love yourself. Do it now!