Together but distant
From the funny site Good and Clean Laughs comes this list. I have taken the liberty to embellish it a little for your appreciation.
These are statements from people like you and me who have been on “Lockdown” for what seems like forever. 1
• We're all in this together—but please keep your distance!
• I hope they give us two weeks’ notice before sending us back out into the real world. I think we'll all need the time to become ourselves again. And by “ourselves” I mean to lose 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to not drinking at 9:00 am.
• New monthly budget: Gas Php 0.00, Entertainment Php 0.00, Clothes Php 0.00, Groceries Php148,368.90.
• Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.
• Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now. We don't have nails to fill and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day. I have been training for this moment my entire life!
• When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.
• I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: “Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on the scale.”
• Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything in over six weeks.
• It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it will take a vineyard to home school one.
• I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead, we got working from home and toilet paper shortages. Worst-Apocalypse-Ever!
• Those car commercials where there's only one vehicle on the road – doesn’t seem so unrealistic these days.
• They can open things up next month; I'm staying in until July to see what happens to all of you first.
• People keep asking: “Is Coronavirus REALLY all that serious?” Listen now, all of you. The churches and casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious.
• Homeschool Day 1: I am trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.
• Okay, the schools are closed. So, do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house or what?
• The dumbest thing I've ever bought was a 2020 planner.
Here is another funny story: Finally, I was in a long line at 7:45 a.m. today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. He returned and tried to cut in again, but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the 3rd time, he said, “If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there.”
I guess we all need a little bit of humor now to maintain our sanity. But things seem to be getting better now. Businesses are now poised to reopen, albeit under new conditions and designs. I hope our economy recovers quickly. Meanwhile, we continue to encourage our people and family to give up hope and not be depressed.
A friend says to me a few weeks ago, if budget is not your problem, and you belong to the privileged “Have’s,” then spend. He says, “It doesn't matter whether it is a need or a want but spend because you can afford it. Your spending helps the economy and preserve jobs. It is one of those times when you spend money and you are actually helping.”
So, cultivate a positive mindset. But for the meantime, enjoy your day. You don't have anything else to do.
(Connect with Francis Kong in www.facebook.com/franciskong2. Or listen to “Business Matters” Monday to Friday 8:00 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. over 98.7 DZFE-FM ‘The Master’s Touch', the classical music station.)
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