Résumé virtue or eulogy virtue

It’s game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at the center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. His neighbor responds, “No, the seat’s empty.” The first man exclaims, “What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?” The neighbor responds, “Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven’t been together.” The first man responds,” I’m sorry to hear that. Wasn’t there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could’ve taken that seat?” The neighbor responds, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

Some people just have their priorities all messed up.

And here is another story.

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that’s your ‘Pa in there.”

I was honored once by a non-profit organization. I had been given the privilege to help raise funds, and now the project had been completed. The organizers were so kind and they held a simple dinner in my honor.

Different people told stories about how my books, radio program, business column, or my posts in social media have inspired them or touched their lives.  When it was my turn to speak I simply said, “I feel like I am at my own funeral listening to eulogies about me,” and the people there broke out in laughter. Thinking about this, I remember reading an article somewhere stating that there are two sets of virtues. These are the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues.

The résumé virtues are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that are talked about at your funeral. I guess the tribute this organization gave me dealt with résumé virtues. Eulogy virtues deal with the inner character of the person, while résumé virtues deal with the skills and strategies we employ for career or business success, and the two may not be the same.

Most people I know live for external achievement, and sometimes live with the philosophy that dictates: “The end justifies the means.” Then, as years pass, the heart hardens. While external accouterments begin to build, the office and the living room is lined with trophies, plaques, magazine and TV interviews, a closer look into the person reveals a lack of moral vocabulary which makes it easy to slip into a state of moral mediocrity. The life is now lived with an unconscious boredom, separated from the deepest meaning of life and the highest moral joys. Perhaps, this is what the wise Solomon refers to as “meaningless…a chasing after the wind...”

But people who have earned the eulogy virtues live their lives differently. They had their own battles over principles. They were perceived as people who are hard to please, stubborn, and uncooperative. Refusing to do what the majority do as they adhere to their own values and principles which make them difficult to deal with. In other words, they achieved inner virtue, built slowly from specific moral and spiritual accomplishments.

These are usually the people who exhibit humility. Satisfied with what they have, but never satisfied with what they can become. While others spin their own press releases, they live with a constant reminder that “without God, I can do nothing.” This is why they are happy.

While external success is derived from intense competition with others, the people with eulogy virtues build their character by confronting their own weaknesses. What is obvious with these people is their understanding that there is no such thing as a “self-made man,” that life is not an autonomous journey, and that there are people who have contributed to our life’s success as there is the need to contribute to theirs as well. They learn from people, help others, and ask for help. This asking is not something that they are ashamed of as they consider others better than themselves. The most glaring virtue of them all is the ability to love. They love God, they love others, and stay faithful to their families.

The people with eulogy virtues may not have the titles or the positions, but they sure are the leaders we all want to emulate. Their influence upon the lives of others cannot be measured, and the best legacy they leave is not the work, the organization, the achievements, but the very people whose lives they have touched.  Hence, these two sets of virtues: résumé virtues and eulogy virtues.

I guess the latter will always outlast the former. And while people mouth the old cliché: “You can’t bring anything with you.” I beg to disagree. The eulogy virtues are the only thing that you can bring and present, then anticipate the best compliment of them all hearing the words, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

(Francis Kong teams up with Luigi Mapa in a two-day seminar workshop “Leadership That Matters” this June 25-26 at Marqui Convention Center BGC. For registrations or further inquiries contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy and look for Pauline at 0998-841-7217 or 0917-561-4673)