It’s just too much 2

Today is the second installment of our two-part series.

With technology becoming so ubiquitous and invasive in almost all areas of our lives, how do we make sure that technology is what we use and not what uses us? More importantly, how can we educate and train our children to use them intelligently?

The key word here is MODERATION. And as I said yesterday, this word is not just associated with beer, liquor or hard drinks but it is a word we can dig deep into our kids or ourselves.

I came across Tim Elmore whom I have personally heard and seen in one of the seminars he has given in Atlanta years ago. (I even had a selfie with him), and in list of authors, he is one of the best in terms of parenting kids in a digital age. Elmore says that the ancient Greeks had a famous phrase: “Pan Metron Ariston,” which translates to “Moderation in All Things.” Literally it means having the ability to temper our appetites; to discipline our urge to binge on anything. The dictionary defines the term this way: Moderation is about finding a balance between two extremes — deprivation and overindulging.

Elmore presents The Four Steps toward Moderation (with a little personal revision due to space constraints):

1. Teach them to distinguish between APPETITES and HUNGER.

Hunger is the physical need for food, but appetites are fueled by our desire for food. If only hunger was involved in eating, we’d eat until we’re full and stop. Appetites kick in and cause us to eat the wrong kinds of food and to overeat. We condition ourselves to yearn for certain tastes in our mouths, or screens in our face, or habits in our lives. We must learn to boss our appetites — physically, socially and emotionally. While I believe emotions are important, I believe they make a better servant than a master. They tell us to be dissatisfied with what we own or the amount of food we eat. The fact is, we need time to play, but we also need time for labor and to produce. We need time for community, but we also need time for solitude. Americans tend to overdo behaviors. Distinguishing between appetite and hunger could change our lives.

2. Teach them to think BALANCE, not BINGE.

Today, we binge watch movies or TV series, or binge on video games or alcohol. Binging is more familiar to us than balance. What if we taught our students the value of balance — to enjoy a pleasure from time to time, but to balance it with a reciprocal behavior?

Tim says, “When I was a young adult, I took little time for meals. I was always on the go, so when I got hungry, I took 10 minutes for a burger or burrito at a fast food restaurant. Today, while I might enjoy a burger from time to time, I set a balanced standard for myself: one salad and three bottled waters daily. I have a “two soft drink” limit each week. For me, water is a reciprocal choice to soft drinks. Salads replace burritos. The key is to consciously think about balance in our lives — moderation — in the stuff we love. Those habits then serve us instead of the other way around.

3. Teach them to focus on OUTCOMES, not OBSTACLES.

When I try to change a bad habit, I often can only see the obstacles in the way. This makes change very difficult. What if we taught our students or kids to clearly see the results of changing a bad habit? For instance, what if they could see that limiting themselves to two hours of video games and replacing the other hour with a positive or healthy option, like working out? What if they posted a photo on their bathroom mirror of a person who’s toned after working out for a year? People tend to do what they see clearest. Playing video games is something they can “see” themselves doing, so they may default to it. We must help them envision the outcomes of other options. Focusing on the results rather than the necessary routines to reach them can be a game changer. It could actually enable this generation to live in moderation.

4. Teach them to pursue INCREMENTAL change, not FUNDAMENTAL change.

Far too often, we try to take gigantic steps when we see we need to change. This usually fails because our biological makeup seeks equilibrium. Our body and mind generally return to the patterns we’ve already set for them. In the words of George Leonard, “Resistance is proportionate to the size and speed of the change, not to whether the change is a favorable or unfavorable one.” 

Author James Clear puts it this way: “The faster you try to change, the more likely you are to backslide. The very pursuit of rapid change dials up a wide range of counteracting forces, which are fighting to pull you back into your previous lifestyle. You might be able to beat equilibrium for a little while, but pretty soon your energy fades and the backsliding begins.”

So, I recommend helping students or kids to plan small, incremental changes in their binging. Encourage them to cut back 15 minutes on video games; or two bites of dessert; or a half hour of movie watching. Then add a bit more change each week. In every case, practicing moderation enables students to lead themselves well.

Don’t deprive and prohibit but supervise and teach them the art of moderation. And this healthy habit when applied would be good to almost every aspect of their lives.

This technology thingy, is it just too much? I’ve got news for you. More will come. Teach them moderation.

(Experience two inspiring days with Francis Kong learning leadership and life skills in his widely acclaimed Level Up Leadership on June 5-6 at Makati  Diamond Residences near Greenbelt 1. For further inquiries contact April at +63928-559-1798 or register online at www.levelupleadership.ph)