In His Time

It’s okay to be not okay and it does not make you weak to admit that you are in pain. Tinuod na. And that’s my realization few days ago. You see, I’m embarking on a personal journey to become a better version of me. I thought muabot nako sa finish line, pero kalit nahagba two weeks.  Giplano na nako tanan akong mga lakang. Pero gitapik ko sa Ginoo and He told me: Dili pa karon. Ma delay pa. Mataod-taoran pa. In His time.

My immediate reaction was, okay ra ko. Dili ko ganahan maguol ang mga tawo nga nakahibawo unsay nahitabo o mahitabo sa akong plano. I said okay to comfort my self too. Dili ko ganahan mag-self-pity.  Actually, nadawat man gyud nako tanan. I considered it to be God’s will. Advocate baya ko sa panultihon nga, kon mapalpak ka, it does not mean bang aka, it only means God has bigger and better plans for you.

But sa pagligid sa mga adlaw, I became lonely.  Makahunahuna ko, usik sab gyud. But wanting to be strong amidst adversity, I kept saying I was okay. Pero deep inside wala man gyud ko na okay until I publicly acknowledged  via Facebook post nga dili pa ko okay. Yes, kana bitaw’ng mura’g nahuwasan ka, naibtan ka’g tunok paghuman nimo’g angkon nga dili diay ka okay sa pagka tinuod lang. Mao nay nahitabo nako days ago.

So yes, it’s okay to be not okay. And dili siya tinalawan kun angkon nimo unsa gyuy tinuod nimo nga sitwasyon. You really have to confront your inner demons in order to start the healing process aron maka move on gyud ka. Pwede raman gud you admit your real feeling without going into specific details. Enough na nga makahibawo ang mga tawo nga you are not okay aron makahibawo sab sila unsaon ka nila paghandle.

Now ko muingon nga please do not worry for me, kay okay na gyud ko. I fought for it pero God obviously has other plans for me. After all, it’s just a delay not a finale. There were lessons learned, and most importantly it strengthened my faith in Him more.  Husto sab gyud ang Ginoo. Dili pa gyud ko ready karon. Daghan pa ko og dapat kat-onan maong iyang usa nga gipahinayan akong dagan. Soon, in His time, I shall get there stronger, better and braver!

A blessed Sunday, dear okRYANians!