Haute horoscopes
MANILA, Philippines - You celebrated last night, but do you really have reason to celebrate this Year of the Sheep? Find out.
RAT
Oh, my dear, dear mouse. If you were thinking of finally getting your financial act together and actually investing this year of the Sheep, it’s probably a baa-d idea. Unless you’re stock market-savvy or have access to someone who is, the best place to invest is neither in venture capital nor in that dashing fellow you met at the Lunar New Year party you attended last night — it’s in your closet. Your enjoyment of that Prada purse will only continue to appreciate over time, and it will also never break your heart. Win-win. Swipe that plastic.
OX
They say that slow and steady wins the race, but my dear Ox, you are not and have never been a turtle, so why are you acting like one? You’ve been taking your time going for what you want, and where has that gotten you so far? Not close enough to any of your goals, despite all your hard work. Nowhere. Take a deep breath, brace yourself, and barrel your way through everything that’s blocking your path: that scourge on humanity who keeps getting all the credit for your ideas at work, that bodycon-wearing fashion disaster who’s been flirting with the object of your obsession, those last five pounds. (Not literally barrel, though. That’s assault.)
TIGER
I don’t think you need me to explain why you’ve been having so much trouble, my fierce Tiger. You scare the living daylights out of everybody you meet with your confidence, your enthusiasm, or both. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, the truly powerful Tiger knows when to prowl and when to pounce. Learn to hang back a little, bide your time. Maybe try not making out with the guy immediately after dinner on the first date for once — he’s not dessert. (Or he could be?) But definitely pounce on that Carven sweater. Definitely.
RABBIT
Sweet bunny, it’s time to stop being so ruled by your fear. (As a Fire Rabbit myself, I understand you intimately — I am ruled by a precarious balance between my fear of my credit card bill and my fear of missing out.) 2015 is going to be a good year for you — but only if you actually get out of the house. Your love life’s looking up, but to be honest, there really was nowhere else to go anyway. And as long as you control your spur-of-the-moment sadness spending, you should be financially stable. The only hitch in your good fortune this year is your health — but it’s only going to be bad because you’re going to be bad…and that’s a good thing. Party on.
DRAGON
Dear Dragon, you are, in essence, the unicorn of the Chinese Zodiac. You are #everything, you are special, you are magical, and you know it. Therein lies the problem. If you want 2015 to go as smoothly as it should for one such as yourself, let us perhaps try for some humility. You’re not going to be able to show anyone how absolutely amazing you are if you don’t get the opportunity to actually do anything because everyone around you thinks you’re insufferable and can’t stand to be in your presence. Let your work (and your surgeon’s) speak for itself so that you don’t have to.
SNAKE
My dearest serpent, you have always been a charmer, but the irony is that although people flock to you, you’re still #ForeverAlone. You are so unwilling to trust that you shut everyone out. It’s time you learned to open up, and this is the year, because it’s not going to be a great one for you and you’re going to need all the help you can get to pull through. (Look good doing it: get that Jacquemus.) The first step to making new friends: Open up your wallet and buy everyone a round of shots. (Tequila is the best social lubricant.) The best way to figure out which ones are worth keeping: See who sticks around when you’re no longer footing the bill.
HORSE
You can rest easy this 2015, my dear Horse, because the year is going to be a steady gallop for you on all fronts. You’re not going to have to worry about love — your ability to talk about anything and everything will turn even the dullest Tinder date into a halfway decent conversationalist. No worries financially, either, because you’ll be able to talk your way out of any tight spots at work. So really, the only advice I have to give you this year is to steer clear of the under-the-sea trend. You should have grown out of wanting to be a mermaid 15 years ago, and wet baby hair art only looks good on FKA twigs.
SHEEP
It’s your year, but that doesn’t mean that it’s your year. Unfortunately, dear Sheep, it might not be all smooth sailing for you in 2015 because you’re never really lucky in the year of your sign; a troubling thought for one as gentle and delicate as you are. Money’s going to be hard to come by, so hold on well to what you already have, no matter how tempting the word “Sale” is going to be over the course of the year. I know it hurts to say no to the Alaïa, but you will find the strength. You will remove Net-A-Porter from your bookmarks. But who are we fooling, right? You memorize the URL to that and LuisaViaRoma.
MONKEY
You’ve always been a bit of a show-off, naughty Monkey, and it’s going to pay off this year. You’re going to #slay at work, stealing the spotlight from everybody else with your brilliant and inventive ideas, and your colleagues won’t even be able to hate you for it because you’re such a fun person to be around. Lots of opportunities (and $$$) will be coming your way, so #treatyoself and treat everyone else, too. Your parents might be a little more inclined to turn a blind eye to your hedonistic lifestyle if you send them on a trip to Aman or something. Just make sure they never find out about anything you end up doing that weekend unless your endgame is to get yourself disinherited.
ROOSTER
Rooster, you have always been the life of the party, and will continue to be the center of attention in 2015. So there really is no need to be such an attention-whore, because all the attention is already on you. Okay? Okay. Moving on: 2015’s not going to be a good year for finding Mr. Right, so you’re better off with a series of really good-looking Mr. Right Nows. 2015’s also not going to be a good year for making money, but other people pay your way anyway, so you should be fine, and if you’re not, Daddy might take pity on you and keep you afloat a.k.a. pay for your Raf Simons habit. Keep your fingers crossed.
DOG
Dear Dog, this is going to be a year of lots of bark and maybe some bite, so I hope you’re ready. Brace yourself for a rather rocky patch with your main squeeze; you’re going to quarrel often, but the making up may make up for it. If it doesn’t, well, you’re going to be financially solvent, so if it gets too difficult at home, walk out of there and into the mall and shop your feelings away. I mean, when has Phoebe Philo ever let you down? Answer: She hasn’t.
PIG
Oh girl, it’s a great year to be a Pig! Your Prince Charming is right around the corner, so I hope you’re making plans to go out more often, and I strongly suggest you do it in very, very nice shoes. (And perhaps some matching La Perla, because you never know…) You’re going to be fabulous, and more importantly, look fabulous — just keep yourself from stress-eating at work. You already dropped those impossible 10 pounds; do you really want them back? No. You don’t.
