Change and choice
They say that there’s one moment that will change your life forever. I remember crying when I told my mom I was gay and all she said was “It’s okay. I love you. But I’m scared of how society will treat you.”
I used to think that I was pretty lucky to be born in the Philippines, a country that has elected two women presidents when the United States is still struggling to get one nominated. I used to think that I was pretty lucky to be born gay in the Philippines, a country where being gay was at least tolerated by society.
All of this changed last Sunday when I was walking by myself in the parking lot of an upper middleclass mall in Quezon City when a car with three men rolled down their windows as they drove past me and flipped me off. At first I thought they were my friends who were trying to play a joke on me, but I remembered that none of my friends would find this funny. They weren’t even laughing or smiling or anything, they were just three men who wanted to flip me off while I was walking from my car to the mall entrance. I’m pretty unapologetic about how I look: I sport an undercut and often shop from the little boy’s section. But this is the first time something like this has ever happened to me. I tried to think about what has changed, or what is changing to make these men think that it’s okay to be rude to women.
They say that change is scary. And as someone who doesn’t necessarily get attached to people, places or things, I can honestly say that I’ve never been more afraid of change than I am right now. These elections have brought around a lot of talk about change and inspiring change. But not a lot of time has been spent talking about what is changing. When senators who advocate women’s rights and outspoken LGBT personalities suddenly forget what they’ve been fighting for because they support change, then that is change that I will not stand behind. When crude, brazen language, used with threats like “sana ma-rape ka at mga kapatid mo” are scattered throughout the comments section of a certain presidential candidate, then that is change I will not stand behind. When excuses like “gutter language” used out of anger, and “ganun lang magusap ang mga lalaki” pass of as an apology for an abhorent rape remark, that is not change I will not stand behind.
They say you can’t stop change. I was training with my boxing instructor the other day who already has his mind set on a presidential candidate campaigning for change. During our break, he asked me who I was voting for. To avoid conflict, I told him that I was undecided as to who to vote for president but encouraged him to look into the vice presidential candidate I was supporting. All he said in reply was, “Ah oo nga pag babae talaga dapat pang vice noh?”.
They say change creeps up on you, that you never really feel its full effect until you wake up one day and everything is different. I find myself now thinking about what kind of environment I would have to raise my daughter in if I were to have one. There’s this scenario that plays out in my head, of her coming home from school crying because she wouldn’t be allowed to play a certain game that her boy classmates were allowed to play. I would probably tell her the same things my mom told me: “It’s okay. I love you. But I’m scared of how society will treat you.”
