Long-distance Christmas

Spending Christmas away from loved ones will always be tough. But this couple proves that distance is just a number when making the most of the holiday season.

I arrived at Kamille’s house for a Christmas reunion of sorts and was greeted by homemade Cuba Libres, an ongoing game of Jenga, and a laptop perched on the drinking table with the host’s American boyfriend joining us live feed via Skype. Kamille was a high school friend and I remembered her telling me about her boyfriend, Kevin, when they were just starting out. But that was ages ago. It’s four years later and they are still in love, but they’ve only been able to step foot in the same country for a little less than a month.

Kevin is a freelance writer based in Philadelphia. He met Kamille in an online game in 2010 and struck luck like Russian roulette. Something just, as sickeningly cheesy as it sounds, clicked. “I know it’s so clichéd. Even me saying, ‘it’s clichéd’ is cliché,” admits Kamille. “But you know, you just meet someone you want to keep talking to, and before you realize it time’s up and you’re aching to see them again.”

I’ll confess it wasn’t natural to me — interacting with someone through a laptop, within an actual social gathering. But as the night progressed, we grew surprisingly comfortable with Kevin’s company even through Skype. And I wouldn’t credit the Cuba Libres. Like, really, I was just surprised that a long-distance boyfriend could “join” his girlfriend’s “night out,” and everybody would genuinely have a good time.

Four years in any kind of relationship is no joke, but theirs is one blemished with stigmas. “We met in an online game, for Christ’s sake, and we come from different ethnicities. A lot of people don’t take us seriously because it’s a long-distance relationship.” But Kamille says it’s not like she went on the Internet to look for a boyfriend. Not like she set up a hunt to find “the one” in the World Wide Web. But this is something that is hard for people to understand. It’s an unconventional relationship, “but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to communicate as much as you would if you were physically together,” she explains. “We lack the physical affection, but we know each other’s nuances: the change in the voice or the facial expression or the mannerisms, just as much as any old couple.” And in the measly 30 days that Kevin was able to spend in the Philippines, Kamille’s family had grown to love him as well. “With my other relationships it always felt like it was on fire. Like one day it was going to run out and I’m wearing out, fanning the flames. But with Kevin, it felt like a tree. It took its time to grow, until it got a good grip on us.”

This will be the fourth Christmas they will not spend together. While they are certain that the love exists, there is still that longing for it to be tangible — to touch and to taste and to smell, something which cannot be achieved through the screens of their computers. “I almost never get to touch him. I can’t be in the same room with him. I can’t smell him or have him warm my hands when mine are cold. It’s all psychological and emotional.”

And so every Christmas, Kamille will send care packages to Philadelphia. She’ll whip up the best batch of her cookies: butterscotch pudding chocolate chip, lime, chunky chocolate chip, and PB&J. “I also put in a handwritten letter, with a wax seal and all. Getting permits to send food overseas is such a hassle! But it was worth it. He’ll have a taste of my cooking!”

In return, Kevin will send Kamille a beautiful bouquet of Stargazer flowers, some French macaroons, his unwashed sweater, a vintage toy from her childhood.

“I don’t know, aside from talking on Skype, the other most special thing we could do is send each other gifts. It’s not materialistic for sure. But it’s the only other way we’re able to communicate our love physically while being away from each other.” These gifts, so carefully curated and well thought-out, fill the gap that the distance has placed between them. It’s funny that the act of gift giving today is not always imbued with the same kind of sentimentality and thoughtfulness it once was. Have we saturated the concept of gift giving to a seasonal wish list to get the things we want for ourselves but don’t want to pay for?

Because of the difference in time zones, Kevin and Kamille celebrate everything in two days: anniversaries, Valentine’s, birthdays and Christmas. But they always find a way to celebrate it together. “Our anniversaries are fun. Last year was the best. We ordered food for each other and then watched a movie online. So it’s like we just press the play button at the same time and have to pause whenever the other pauses.”

Maybe sometimes, you don’t have to be far away from each other to be worlds apart. And you don’t have to be physically near each other to feel so connected.