SUPREME ADVICE: Resting b*tch face

MANILA, Philippines - Dear Tita Witty,

Just based on this opening statement, do you think I'm likeable?

I'm a very busy human being. Having two jobs and other activities outside of work, I don't think I have any spare time for "flirting" and all that "nonsense" where romantic "relationships" usually begin. At 26, yes, I've never had a long-term boyfriend, and the men I usually hang out with are my kababatas and men I've categorized under the friendzone.

Meron din naman akong ini-entertain na mga boys na nagugustuhan ko, pero they never get to express their intentions (if any). And I don't want to ask what it is they're after because I don't want to create the impression that I'm atat and aggressive.

I've been reminded a gazillion of times of the usual biblical cliches: “True love waits,” “God provides,” “Don't awaken love until it so desires,” and have constantly been told the typical peer-pressure and parental statements: “Tumatanda na obaryo mo,” “Tatandang dalaga ka nyan,” “Virgin ka pa rin?” “Engaged, married, o may anak na mga ka-age mo; wala ka pa bang plano?”

Being the strong, independent woman I strongly believe that I am, I had not allowed those statements to affect me. But lately — and this is probably a part of what they call quarter-life crisis — I've been questioning my “likability” toward the opposite sex.

I get offended whenever I'm catcalled, so in social situations where there are lots of men I intentionally get snobbish, plus the fact that I have the “resting bitch face.” So this makes me less approachable. And I actually want to eventually change this without being awkward.

So ang ending ng napakataas na letter na to ay, how do I make myself seem approachable and available toward the opposite sex? And in your opinion, how do I ask those I'm entertaining right now what their intents are without sounding atat and aggressive?

Help!                                                                              Grateful,

NBSB 2.0

Dear NBSB 2.0,

Just based on this opening statement, do you think you’ll like my advice? Char.

I think you should start by being completely honest with yourself. If you want to be in a relationship then I guess you should not put it under quotation marks. Relationships are real, hindi parang “#nofilter” at “#blessed”. Flirting is not a bad thing either; it’s something that comes naturally when you’re interested in someone. You also have to admit to yourself that the things that lead to a relationship are not nonsensical. Hindi ito business partnership na basta may kontrata and you shake on it. Talagang kailangan ng kilig, holding hands at pasway-sway pa habang saksakan nang bagal maglakad sa mall at ikaw naman ay nagmamadali  para makasakay na sa fx kung saan “Isa na lang, aalis na! ‘Yung walang kasama dyan!” ang sinisigaw ng barker na hindi sinasadyang manghusga, nagtatrabaho lang.

We all get offended (I think) when catcalled; nobody likes that and so no, you don’t have to act friendly when that happens just so you’d seem approachable. Maybe what you can do is try to change your thinking about the reason why you want to change this. Don’t do it just so men would approach you – that’s not very strong-and-independent-like. Do it so you would feel like a nicer person. A kinder person. Maybe even a better person. By putting on a nice attitude and smile on your face, who knows what might come your way? You might make new friends or be introduced to a new hobby, a new job opportunity. Be open-minded sa business. Be powerful!

I’m sorry to say there is no way you can ask these guys what their intentions are without sounding eager. Has any of them asked you out on a real date, just the two of you? Does he constantly get in touch with you? Does he want to get to know you more?  Otherwise, chill ka lang. Enjoy the company. If it feels like a waste of time then just don’t go out with him again. If a guy seriously likes you, he will tell you; you wouldn’t have to ask. If you must, you wouldn’t like the answer.

XOXO,                                                                          Tita Witty

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P.S. And just to clarify what friendzone means para sure na tama ang gamit:  the people you put there are those who want to escape from it, meaning yung mga may romantic intentions sa’yo, pero friend/s lang ang tingin mo. Otherwise, they’re just your friends who happen to be male, period.