Trends of the week
MANILA, Philippines - Good news: A few things happened on Twitter that didn’t involve One Direction. This week, we look at a World Cup semi-final that became the most tweeted sporting event in history, not one — but two! — made-up holidays that happened on the same day, and a hashtag that we’re featuring on “Trends of the week” despite, and most especially because of, the fact that it didn’t actually trend.
World Cup match takes schadenfreude to a whole new level
Germany’s 7-1 victory over World Cup host Brazil was so thorough, so shocking, so devastating, that it was almost impossible to describe what happened without sounding like a 1940s news reel. The New York Times wrote: “The Germans were merciless, playing with grace and unity and a raw power that saw them rip open the Brazilian defense as if it were a can of soup.” From the BBC: “The statistics stacked up like pieces of rubble around the feet of Scolari and his players.” From Business Standard: “Germans send Brazil into mourning.”
Oh, and that phrase: “the Germans.” It marched up the trends list like it was 1939. When a World Cup team wins, the name of the country usually trends, but this was something else entirely. “Ze Germans!” might as well have trended.
Twitter was consciously working from a historical material so infamous that the jokes, formed from an obvious, if tasteless parallel, practically wrote themselves. “Haven’t seen penetration like that from the Germans since Germany vs. France 1940,” one tweeted. “I haven’t seen the Germans slaughter anyone like that since… well, you know,” said another. “The Germans have won the World War… I mean World Cup,” tweeted some dude who is a bigger fan of his jokes than of facts.
So it’s 2014, and “Germans are Nazis” jokes are still alive. They are lazy and arguably funny, but to the generations of Germans who have to carry the burden of their national guilt, they are just downright offensive. To Holocaust survivors and their progeny, I’m guessing these jokes aren’t big hits. The only people making and enjoying them are the ones who can look at an eternally sad historical moment and still see comedic material. They invaded Twitter with ease this week, encountering absolutely no resistance.
The Internet invents a couple more holidays
Did you know that July 6 is International Kissing Day and Fried Chicken Day? If you didn’t know this, then you don’t have Twitter. If you do have Twitter, then chances are you didn’t know this anyway.
Twitter, among the infinitude of accidents it has evolved into, is a daily alert of things we never knew existed. These include obscure holidays that are odd enough to catch social media’s attention and some that I’m pretty sure social media just made up. You can easily tell the difference — Best Friends Day sounds like an actual thing that exists, while No Panty Day has the Internet’s horny fingerprints all over it.
This week, we found an additional excuse to kiss people and eat fried chicken because there’s really no need to find one, but whatever. No Panty Day at least seems like something that requires the world’s universal stamp of approval. International Kissing Day and Fried Chicken Day feel so uninspired, to say the least. I hope the next few fabricated Internet holidays are more necessary. Here are some suggestions:
1. Movie Marathon In The Office Day
2. No Rape Day (especially in India)
3. Shout Invectives At Your Jailed Senator Day
4. Switch Places With Your Boss Day
5. Date Your Slightly Unattractive But Generally Nice Admirer Day
6. Complete, Unapologetic Honesty With No Long-Term Consequences Day
7. Pretzel Day
#NeverAgain may never again work
One of the week’s most noteworthy hashtags never actually trended. #NeverAgain — a hashtag that popped up on Twitter a week earlier, as whispers of a Bongbong Marcos 2016 Presidential bid started to swell — gained traction on Twitter this week after the Imelda photo-op brouhaha in Ateneo launched a thousand angry Facebook comments and incredulous tweets. The two-week momentum and the eventual viral photo explosion wasn’t enough — all that Internet outrage couldn’t even push two words up the trends list. This is sobering considering that “Ferdinand Marcos” trended during this year’s EDSA People Power anniversary, thanks to the clueless youth who used the occasion to praise the name of the greatest president they never actually elected (or lived through).
So I guess this means we’re screwed? An anti-Marcos sentiment can’t fly even after something as egregious as a wacky photo with one half of the greatest plundering couple in the nation’s history while pro-Marcos rants trend under little to no provocation. This is the future we’re seriously looking at? Two decades of paralyzing thievery and blatant murder swept under the rug because a bunch of kids glued to the Internet can’t be bothered to open a history book? Are we really just going to watch and let this happen? Is there even anything we can really do to stop this from happening?
You know what trended this week? #ReplaceMovieTitleWithKembot, that’s what. I’m not saying that there’s no hope — one can never tell — but whatever hope remains of our future definitely couldn’t light a fire on social media this week. This could very well mean nothing and I sure hope so.
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Tweet the author @ColonialMental.
