7 Lessons from Anderson Cooper:Coming clean

Manila, Philippines - The past week has been abuzz with hunktastic CNN anchor Anderson Cooper’s coming-out statement (“The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be.”). Some people were saying that Cooper coming out publicly is like saying water is wet  everyone already knew, so why say it? Here are seven reasons why it still matters:

1. It shows that people still value honesty over prejudice. No one likes feeling lied to or being excluded from a thinly veiled secret. There are a lot of ignorant people out there, sure, but there are many who just want to know the truth. In the words of Cooper himself, “It’s become clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long, I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something — something that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed or even afraid. This is distressing because it is simply not true… In a perfect world, I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business, but I do think there is value in standing up and being counted.”

2. It sheds more light on the serious problem of bullying. Back in February, Rolling Stone published an article on the issue of teen suicides in Anoka, Minnesota. There was one instance mentioned where a 13-year-old lesbian girl committed suicide, and bullies at school were telling her best friend (who is also gay) that she should consider blowing her brains out, too.

People will tell you that kids are kids, and they can’t possibly be sure about who they are at such a young age. When I was 13, I knew I would spend my life writing regardless of whether I did it professionally. I knew I liked boys and music. I knew I hated math. I understood who I was then as much as I do now.

There is a reason why adults are taking a stand, starting things like The Trevor Project. Cruelty can have serious repercussions, and the first step to breaking the culture of discrimination is being able to talk about it.

3. It opens up a dialogue. It allows us to give our opinions a workout, to hear from those who are uncomfortable with homosexuality, to share what we know to be true, and even to find a place where, while we may not all agree, we may dispel all room for hate and violence.

BFFs. Cooper and his rumored partner,Ben Maisani

4. It loosens up the idea of what’s “gay.” We’ve been fed massive amounts of stereotypes, so much so that even some of my gay friends who don’t like fashion/make-up/working out/bright colors feel as though they’re not “gay enough.” In the same manner that not all girls like to get their hair done or wear frothy dresses, having a certain sexual preference doesn’t mean you morph into Carson Kressley overnight.

Yes, there are the expected fashion designers, theater actors, and hairdressers. But there are also basketball fans and soldiers, conservatives and liberals, brothers and friends. The spectrum is wide, and there is no one-size-fits-all type of personality suited to the same sexual preference.

5. It allows us to see people, not preference. I have a gay friend — let’s call him Andrew — who works in the film industry. He recently had a project filming a group of kids, one of whom he treated like his own little brother. During some down time at the shoot, someone on the staff jokingly called Andrew a “faggot.” Andrew dealt with it gracefully enough, but the little boy he was close to overheard the exchange. He asked if Andrew was one of “the happy people.” Andrew said yes, and asked if the little boy would prefer that he stay away. The little boy simply said, “You’re my friend,” and hugged Andrew.

Anderson Cooper’s been speaking to us through our TV sets for years, telling us how bad things were around the world and inspiring ways we could help make it better. To many, he’s someone they can count on to give it to them straight. So although not everyone agrees when it comes to homosexuality, it helps break down the concept when you know, love, and respect someone who happens to be gay. The “gay” part then, quite suddenly, seems secondary.

6. It lowers the margin for shame. Not everyone has to be out before they’re ready. But I feel like a lot of incidents that occur in the darkness — the bad ones, the ones that we hate talking about, the kind that other good gay people have had to answer for and bear such indignation for — happen because there is so much fear. Fear of being judged by loved ones, of one’s own predilections, of being less of a man or woman, of being vulnerable to the ignorance of so many.

This in no way excuses sick behavior (I’m looking at you, Jerry Sandusky), but there are so many things that can be avoided with a proper support system, and it starts with seeing decent people who’ve come out and have managed to build a good life for themselves. Inspiration has a power that isn’t to be underestimated.

7. It gives hope to those who need it. It used to be a question of “whites” and “coloreds,” which has since evolved into cultural backgrounds being stereotyped as terrorists, drug mules, what have you. I don’t think we will ever live in a world that is absent of its prejudices; it’s part of what makes us all very human and imperfect.

But to know that it does get better, to have an ally — even if it’s just a face on the nightly news, to know that it is possible to lead a life where your sexual orientation is not your first identifier, is a consolation that many are looking for. It’s not always a matter of pride or rights, but of acceptance; that regardless of how different you are, you are worthy of respect, decency, kindness, and love.

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