Kris & Diana: Victims of bad boys?

Poor little rich girl Kristina Bernadette "Kris" Aquino of the hacienda clan is once again embroiled in a lurid sex scandal with a married guy, Parañaque Mayor Joey Marquez, who allegedly poked a gun at her.

If cable TV has its highly-rated Amazing Race or Fear Factor, our sad republic also has our own reality TV in the endless revelations of Amazing Kris on the alleged physical and emotional abuses as well as a case of sexually-transmitted disease (STD) inflicted on her by her former live-in lover.

How can we view the travails of Kris more compassionately and objectively, leading to better understanding of the complex emotional and psychological problems of countless other non-celebrity women? Possibly rooted in deep psychological, emotional, moral and even real physical dysfunctions, can Kris Aquino and other suffering women be helped?

In recent years, worldwide television talk shows, movies and the tabloids have revealed surprising psychological and physical disorders of celebrities such as the late Princess Diana and actress Jane Fonda who suffered from bulimia, the late pop singer Karen Carpenter who starved herself to death at only age 32 when she died in 1983, and more recently the 22-year-old American gymnast Christy Henrich who weighed just 43 pounds at the time of her death from multiple organ failure.

What about other young men and women who seek solace from curable psychological dysfunctions and emotional crises in illegal drugs, alcoholism and nihilistic lifestyles?

Prayers Not Enough, Kris Needs Psychological Healing

Why has a pretty, well-educated and talented young woman like Kris Aquino become such a tragic victim of ill-fated love affairs with the wrong men whom her mother, ex-President Cory Aquino, and brother Congressman Noynoy Aquino had consistently disapproved of – from former drug addict and convicted felon Robin Padilla, older married actor Phillip Salvador to married Mayor Joey Marquez? The Parañaque Mayor even accused Kris of allegedly becoming romantically close to another married older guy with a checkered history of womanizing, comedian Vic Sotto.

Instead of simplistically elevating Kris Aquino to the status of a heroine of battered women in our indeed macho Philippine society or unfairly just dismissing her as a wild child, this writer and amateur psychoanalyst strongly believes that this talented and intelligent young woman, a victim of womanizing married men, needs family support and psychological counseling.

When Kris scurried for refuge in her mother’s home, former President Cory Aquino reportedly gathered her family in a prayer first before their meeting. The power of prayer is indeed great, but God helps those who help themselves.

Mother Speaks

Since a close ally of ex-President Cory Aquino said she was not yet inclined to publicly discuss her daughter’s crisis now, we sought an interview with a woman whom Kris Aquino in her column once described as her "second mother" and who ushered her into showbiz in 1986 – Mother Lily Y. Monteverde. After almost a decade of no major film roles, Kris Aquino was last year suddenly asked by Mother Lily to join the cast of Mano Po, leading to her unprecedented win of four Best Supporting Actress awards. In the forthcoming epic film Mano Po 2 slated for the Metro Manila Film Festival in December, Kris returns to play the challenging role of the young Susan Roces who is the aggrieved first wife of Christopher de Leon.

Mother Lily said, "Most people don’t know Kris well. She grew up with me in showbiz, ever since that afternoon when I met in Malacañang with then President Cory Aquino to discuss her dream to be a movie star. Kris is innocent, and she is strong. She can handle herself well. Two months before this scandal broke out, I already sensed in her eyes her pain, like there was something wrong which she could not express."

Mother Lily added: "I don’t agree with you that Kris has psychological problems. I believe her being outspoken and tactless is her therapy. All of us carry pain. Nobody in this world does not suffer pain in life. Her being outspoken, noisy and tactless in public, all those are not for cover-up, but are actually expressions of her honesty and pure heart. Kris is honest, she does not know how to lie and she does not keep her anger inside her, so she spontaneously expresses her true feelings. I agree with you that she’s indeed a brat, but she’s generous, she’s a basically good person, and I advice her to grow strong and to use her talents to serve the country. After this crisis, I believe she will be a better person, especially in terms of her love life. My admiration for Kris Aquino has never changed."

Any motherly advice for Kris? Mother Lily told Philippine Star: "I advise Kris to look for somebody who really loves her, who will make her a better person, perhaps a more educated man from a similar background as hers. I always told Kris to be more like her mother, to learn from the respected former President Cory Aquino. She should listen to her mother. Young people should listen to the wisdom and experience of parents. I always advised her that showbiz is only secondary in her life, that she should go back to her mother’s arms, that she should get the breeding and culture of her mom. The problem with many innocent young people who enter showbiz is that some of them become hopelessly addicted to showbiz, and this can adversely affect and totally dominate their lives."

In the middle of the interview, Mother Lily texted Kris Aquino that she was giving an interview to this writer about her crisis. Soon, Kris texted her back: "Mother, thank you. You should know that my family will be eternally grateful for the kindness and caring you have shown us."

It is not accurate to depict Kris Aquino as the princess bred by the politically-prominent Aquino family and the landed political Cojuangco clan. Kris suffered the early loss of her politician father Senator Ninoy Aquino to harsh martial law imprisonment and the 1983 assassination. With her father’s death and her mother’s unavoidable political activism and unprecedented rise to the presidency, Kris didn’t have a normal childhood with her family. But she is – for better or for ill – a child of the unstable and morally-confused world of showbiz.

Vanity Hides Deep Insecurities

Other famous women in the world may possibly suffer from different forms of this narcissistic pathology – the late Princess Diana was a narcissist with suicidal tendencies, and legendary ex-First Lady Imelda Romualdez Marcos is a narcissist with megalomaniac tendencies. Many women of extraordinary vanity endlessly talk about themselves, beautify their physical looks, but deep inside their hearts and minds they suffer deep insecurities.

It seemed obvious that the world-famous Princess Diana suffered from narcissism, which even manifested itself in bulimia. At times, the fashionable and beautiful Princess Diana looked almost emaciated or even anorexic. Diana had also repeatedly fell for the most unlikely or wrong men for her, such as an older Egyptian playboy and a military man who later tactlessly revealed their illicit love affair to the world.

The eating disorder of Princess Diana was classified as a psychiatric illness, which could have been properly treated. There are three main psychiatric cases of eating disorders – not eating at all (technically classified as anorexia nervosa), to bingeing-and-purging (bulimia nervosa), to eating nearly all the time (binge-eating syndrome). How do we discern people with these eating disorders caused by deeply-rooted psychological problems? People with anorexia nervosa are obsessed with their fear of gaining weight or losing control over their bodies so they diet excessively to the point of starvation. Anorexics who are thin still insist that they are fat.

People with bulimia nervosa suffer continuous bouts of binge eating followed by attempts to purge food from their body through vomiting, laxative or diuretic abuse, exercising, or fasting. Compulsive eating disorder is like bulimia, with the difference that a compulsive eater does not try to purge the food he or she has eaten. A compulsive eater often eats huge amounts of high-calorie foodstuffs during a short period, which often creates for him or her confused feelings of shame and additional body weight.

How could people suffering from all these disorders be healed? Experts recommend compassion, understanding, family support, as well as medical, psychological and nutritional therapy. The support and involvement of the family is very important, especially for anorexics, who are often adolescent girls or young women.

Was it possible that the men in Princess Diana’s short tragic life exploited her narcissistic problem and her need to be loved? Did the various wrong married men and bad boys in the life of Kris Aquino knowingly exploit her psychological and emotional vulnerability?

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This columnist was the only writer invited to watch the first Mano Po 2 film shooting day of Kris Aquino on October 3 at San Miguel Street and later at the Bin An Chinese Drugstore on Ongpin Street in Chinatown. Kris looked refreshed, remarkably more beautiful and seemingly recovered from her latest crisis, and hoping to move on in her life. Later, we had dinner at the Lai Lai Chinese Restaurant on Ongpin.

Kris said due to her mother’s admiration for Mother Lily and the Mano Po 2 film, ex-President Cory Aquino is willing to do a cameo role in this epic movie project. Latest news is that Kris Aquino is resigning or taking a leave from her Sunday afternoon TV show The Buzz.

Kris was literally mobbed everywhere she went in downtown Manila with a lot of bystanders and fans shouting their support for her.

All’s well that ends well?

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Thank you very much for all your messages sent to wilson_lee_flores@newyork.com or wilson_lee_flores@hotmail.com or wilson_lee_flores@yahoo.com or P.O. Box 14277, Ortigas Center, Pasig City.