Fear, anger and denial

I vowed not to write about politics. I have hardly touched the subject for many months now in my STAR column. I like my readers to enjoy their Sunday reading. So I would like to apologize at the outset: I am sorry but I can’t ignore what is happening around us. Murder and skullduggery are just too blatant  already and “in-your-face.” The wild elephant in the room has now become too big to ignore.

For the first time since martial law, I am again sensing  great fear coming from everywhere. It is palpable. You can almost poke it with a knife. Everyone seems to be in some state of fear. Some are on a high level. Some are just beginning to feel it. But it is there.

They fear for what is happening to the country. They fear that friends and family may be killed randomly by police in some drug raid. They fear that the peso is rapidly losing value against the US dollar. They fear that our government is giving away our islands to China. They fear we are destroying the gains of the past and slipping into a deterioration spiral. They fear we are isolating ourselves from our allies and the UN. There are so many things people are fearful about.

But every time fear is felt, anger cannot be too far behind. A lot of people these days are very angry and they are expressing themselves on social media. Friends who work with the urban poor tell me that people in depressed neighborhoods are very fearful of the drug war. They are afraid of weekly tokhangs and of being killed. And they are very angry that they are being targeted as a social class while government adheres extremely to due process regarding cases against wealthy, powerful Chinese drug lords.

Anger is a powerful tool. Emotions are part of who we are. Being angry serves a purpose. Every time we feel anger, our emotions are sounding big alarm bells. It is telling us many things. It must be listened to. Author of the book The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron, explains why anger can make us powerful. She writes: “a) Anger tells us we are being violated; b) Anger tells us that we should do something; c) Anger reminds  us  that our  boundaries have been trespassed; d) Anger tells us we can’t continue to live the way we have been living.”

Anger is an antidote to fear. Susan Jeffers wrote a bestseller years ago and the title alone says it all:  Feel the Fear But Do It Anyway. Yes, do it because it needs to be done. Do it because you are motivated.

Many times I have stared fear in the face. When I was 14 years old, I faced two people who were ready to beat me up because a girl we were all courting was favoring me. They waited for me outside the girl’s house. They were angry at me. I was fearful. But I did nor run away and instead confronted them. I asked them to hit me right that moment if the plan was to beat me up. Get it over with, I said. I stared into their eyes and said I was ready to take the first blow. I waited and did not stop staring at them. After close to a minute, they turned around and left. I walked home proud of myself.

In 1983, my group APO Hiking Society started to comment politically in our concerts. Soon our comments against the regime became more spot-on and aggressive. We knew we were making ourselves targets of a regime that could really hurt us. We were warned by common friends of the Marcos children to tone it down. But we kept on. We were ready to take the consequences. We knew we were being watched but we still did it because we felt we had to. Soon we were banned from all media, and could not perform in government venues. Were we fearful? Absolutely! But did we stop? No. We were defiant to the end.

One of the things I notice is when we look at fear long enough, it often shrinks. I realize that our own fears can get overblown. We overrate them. But more than that, I also know that, deep down, an inner strength lives in us and we can summon it to face what threatens us. While fear can encourage panic, flight or avoidance, our anger can also inspire us to stand up to it. It is a challenge. Defiance strengthens our character and our resolve. “The devil that you swallow gives you its power,” said writer Joseph Campbell.

In the Philippines we live in now, there are people who want to bring out the worst in others. They will threaten and intimidate us. They will insult and try to shut out the reasonable voices. This is something we must not allow.

Before 2016, I can’t recall that there ever was a large cry for people to be murdered without due process. I don’t recall that there was a clamor for the death penalty, especially including kids as early as nine years old. I also can’t recall that people were willing to give our islands away to China without protesting. I don’t believe people relished and enjoyed rape jokes, or crude language then, especially coming from the president.

Imagine how much Aquino would have been pilloried if he said even one cuss word in public. Remember the hue and cry about PDAF? SAF 44? Or even something trivial like Kris Aquino being seen riding on a PSG helicopter? How Duterte can get away with bigger things, from mass murder, to nepotism, to freeing crooks from jail, to giving away our sovereignty to China, to uttering crudeness against our allies and the UN, and allowing his people to show arrogance of power and contempt against the people, is beyond explanation. He spends public money on travels bringing friends and supporters. He assigns incompetent people to government posts to repay favors and reward loyalty.

I don’t know what happened in 2016 that caused this moral breakdown and (un)civility to occur. It is as if 16 million surrendered their consciences to Duterte. They have stopped thinking and analyzing and seem to have shut down the tiny voice in their heads that helps them  discern right from wrong.

When confronted with facts, they shun reason and militantly deny the truth. They are addicted to fake news even if many of them know it is fake. Perhaps it is because the most rabid find comfort in not having to face the reality that they erred greatly in their judgment.

Meanwhile, life goes on in the Philippines. The elephant in the room is getting bigger and bigger. It is also getting madder.

And soon, ignoring it will be almost impossible.