Despair: Dark moments of the soul

James  M. Barrie disclosed, “I   was cleaning out my files when  I came across some things  I    had written during my darkest hours. The writing was full of pain and  anger. I felt for that woman, for the horrible things she had been through. Tears  rolled down my face as I looked into the black hole where I used to live. MY first instinct was to throw the pages of despair into the trash, then I realized that this is what all the work had been for. Everything I had been thrown had allowed me to move outside the hopelessness to  a place where I could recognize the  light." (Chicken Soup For The Recovering  Soul).

This reminds me of someone close to me. She was in utmost despair when she found out that her boyfriend of  four years had a relationship with her close friend. At first, she was  on denial; but as the saying goes,  “You cannot keep the smoke in a closed fist, the truth will always come out.”

The truth was too much for her to bear, that she almost stopped schooling, if not for her mom who was supporting her  emotionally. There were times she would berate her mom for no reason at all. But her mom was patient and understanding on the painful journey that she went through. The saying, “Time heals wound”  has a modicum of truth. She was able to take the bull on its horns, so to speak.  She graduated  from college and passed the board exams with flying colors.   Now, she is working abroad and is  happily married.

When you are in the marshes of despair because of a relationship that went awry, or you lost your job,  or  because      of illness,  or whatever it is that drives you to  despair, here are some help that Colin Falconer  of  www.lifehack.org. suggests:

Remember  this: “All things must pass.” It is the basic law of life. Good times, bad times,  nothing  ever stays  the same. A run of bad luck can’t go on  forever. The tide will come  back in; it always  does.  It’s the law of  life.

Look for the  light at the end of the tunnel. You may  not see it today, you may not see it tomorrow. A day will come that you will see that glimmer day.

"Poco a poco.” It’s  a saying in Spain. They use it all the time. It means “ little by little.” You may want this nightmare to be over today, but it doesn’t work like that. Grief, financial meltdown,   divorce; these are things you walk through one small step at a time. When you finally see  the  light, chart a course towards it and start walking, one small step at a time.

Be gentle with yourself. If you feel that you have moved on,  but one day you are back in the pit of despair, it’s OK. It can happen.  Just  take a deep breathe and don’t begrudge  yourself.

Be tough with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve; if you lost someone you love, then      don’t hold back the tears. If  you made a mistake  that cost your business, your house, the farm — okay, indulge yourself, beat  up  on yourself. But  sooner or later you have  to  stop. You’ll know when  it’s time. But when  that day comes, you  have to raise your eyes and discipline yourself not to keep looking back.

Remember that what you are going  through is a life changing event. Wear the scar and  move on to that new life, whatever it is. Write new things in the sand.

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