Mentor – tormentor

I would call him “friend” but I feel awkward about it, since he always sounded and acted like he knew better. We often ended up having a discussion or a debate with no end in sight. I would call him “Mentor” but to me he was not the best teacher in the school of life because he taught others by being their “Tormentor.” I butt heads with him a few times and he looked and behaved like my Dad did, so getting close to him always felt uncomfortable and awkward. I loved to get one over him but he enjoyed getting even and then some. Yet for someone who touched my life but for a few years, he made me realize that it is not always the length of time or what people do for us that leaves a mark. Sometimes, it is what people brings out of us, especially in our character that become their gift to us.

My Mentor – Tormentor and I once clashed between business reality versus principle that led to me being put to a test. Eat humble pie and let the boss have his way and be humiliated or walk away from a career that had just started and ruin a new found friendship. I chose to walk away with dignity but with respect for him, and discovered that I had in turn earned the respect of the Mentor – Tormentor. I realized much later that he knew fully well that he had pushed my buttons too far but being the boss it was difficult for him to admit it. Yet like the father of the Prodigal Son, he simply kept the door open, confident that things will one day be like they used to be. And they did.

Last Thursday the Mentor – Tormentor Roberto “Bert” Bacsal unceremoniously decided to move on and die. He did not make travel plans or bother to cancel the many appointments he had scheduled for this week, including a meeting with me to discuss what to do with an obsolete piece of equipment that was driving him nuts. He was never good at accepting the concept of things being obsolete until he gets stuck with an eyesore or something the auditors can’t figure out what to do with. Unfortunately for the rest of his team and family, they now have to clean up the many playgrounds and continuing projects that “BB” put together through the years.

So as we mourned his passing, I started taking mental notes of lessons to learn from the life of Bert Bacsal. First: Don’t die unexpectedly because the mess you create becomes somebody else’s problem. Next lesson: When you die, people will talk about you, so get ahead while you’re alive or make sure that what they say at your funeral will uplift and inspire those who suffer from your departure.

When someone dies, everybody tries, or do say something nice about the dear departed. “Nice” can be cliché or can be relative. Even Bert would be uncomfortable if people called him “Nice.” He regaled at being branded as the Toughie in the playground although he would be first in line against any bully. Bert is remembered for the guy who pushed people further than they believed they should, he toughened people especially his only son by being the sound of wrath and fury and making many of us feel like he’s always looking for the “defects” instead of the “perfects.” It obviously works because among the many people talking about him were company presidents, foreign guests, businessmen who’ve made a name for themselves and all of them were Bert’s “Muchachos” in their past lives.

They all talked about how Bert also pushed their buttons and once in a while short out their fuse, but then again that’s really nothing compared to being sent to the cross by your own dad so others could have a second chance, right? Of course there are those in Bert’s posse who would testify that there were days they came close to the crucifixion. Bert was never vocal about his religiosity; in fact he was unapologetic for his flowery language that would make President Digong Duterte look like a copycat.

The Tough Guys are literally a dying breed in a world of political correctness. Bert was never apologetic about his views and sentiments and this I shared with him as well as being “Super Kulit” or annoyingly persistent because that was what got things done and got him the things he wanted, the way he wanted.  Funny enough, while everybody spent several evenings sharing unforgettable, or horror stories about their experience with the Mentor – Tormentor lying in state a mere few feet away, NO ONE was willing to write, make or deliver a proper Eulogy for the guy. They all claimed not wanting to break down in a pool of tears but I bet that they were still living in fear of being graded or finding their elocution crumpled on the floor and being told that your work reminds me of my neighbors’ two-year-old kid who writes better.

I on the other hand, no longer fear the Mentor – Tormentor. He will have to wait a loooong time to get back at me for writing this eulogy long after the burial. He would probably say “ huli na, hindi pa magaling” or “Better late than never is still late!” The fact, is Bert was a growling Fluff Puff who had a softie’s heart. He was the perpetual Little Boy constantly finding toys to play with and telling his playmates how to play the game and which character or role to play!

In closing allow me to say “Thank You” to Bert’s family; Girlee his wife, Eric, Tin, and Rica, all of whom had to share their time with Bert, with many of us. Those precious hours often denied you, were invested in building character, lives and careers that have been enriched by our “Mentor – Tormentor.” Thank you and May God comfort you at this time.

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