A date with destiny

Regional Trial Court Judge Miriam Defensor Santiago first came to national prominence when she invoked the constitutional right to freedom of speech and freed Directors Lino Brocka, Behn Cervantes and company from the clutches of the military in 1985. The directors were protesting against the Marcos dictatorship when the military broke up the rally and hauled the prominent protesters into jail. The feisty judge feed them all, directly contravening the dictatorship.

President Cory Aquino then appointed her as Immigration Commissioner. I was then a young reporter assigned to interview her when a director of the BID ran out of Miriam’s room, screaming, “She threw a chair at me.”

I was one of the first reporters to reach her room and I asked what happened. Cool as sea water she said to me, *Danton, this woman was trying to bribe me. She said if I just kept quiet about the corruption in this office, I would get a fat, juicy check as my monthly share.*

`So you threw a chair at her?`I asked, point-blank.

She smiled her trademark smile and said, `Oh no, I just rearranged the furniture.`

Later, she would run for the presidency in a campaign documented well in her book. She ran, she said, on the sheer adrenaline of the youth and of her millions of supporters.  She lost a hotly contested seat to general Fidel V. Ramos, then ran for senator and won. She would later be an advocate of LGBT rights and of reproductive health. She even wrote a blurb for my book, Happy Na, Gay Pa, where she said she would be happy to see the day when LGBTs would be given equal rights in this country. To those who do not believe in this idea, she said, `stupid is forevermore.`

In 2008, I was  working as a Communications Consultant of  Senator Mar Roxas and I saw her in the lobby of the Senate. I thanked her for helping us and she said it was an honor for her to do so. Then she told the media people milling around her, `This is Professor Danton Remoto, as you very well know. I think he should run for the Senate, because we have a similarity.`

When media queried why, she answered: `We are both brilliant.` And she cackled with her signature laughter.

Another time, during a Senate session, I went to Sofitel Hotel to meet a guest of Senator Roxas when I saw Senator Santiago in the beauty salon of the hotel. She was having her hair and her nails done during the Senate session. I tiptoed to reach her and when she saw me she laughed: `Professor Remoto, you caught me!`

When I asked why was she absent during the session, she said she was bored. `One of the senators beside me has cute dimples, but that is all. The other does not have brain cells between his ears. Just earwax!` And we both laughed. She named these two gentlemen, but I will keep them a secret till kingdom come.

Stupid is Forevermore is the follow-up book to Stupid is Forever, which has sold more than 750,000 since December 2014. Published by ABS-CBN, the second outing contains more of the zany jokes, witty one-liners, and silly pick-up lines that have endeared the senator to a new generation of readers.

In the chapter “Overheard at the Senate,” the young cartoonist Rob Cham made a funny drawing of the senator sitting between two lawmakers drawn to resemble pests. Lawmaker A said: “We can’t legalize divorce. My wife would use it against me.” Lawmaker B piped in: “I don’t want a divorce. I love my wife.” Ranged against these non-sequiturs is the line: “They have all the intelligence of political cockroaches.” And the cartoonist has indeed drawn two cockroaches.

To a reporter who asked about the state of her health, she said: “I still maintain my intellectual acuity. I don’t mistake other people for my husband, for example. I’m quite sure who he is.” And to another reporter who asked about her health in a hushed voice, she answered: “Iyon lang naman pala ang tanong mo, bumaba pa ang boses mo. Akala ko you were asking about my sex life (So that’s the only thing you wanted to ask, why did you have to lower your voice. I thought you were asking about my sex life.”)

The next chapter, “Kapag Dalawa ang Mahal Mo, Paglabanin Mo (If You Love Two People, Let Them Fight)” would be a hit among the young readers, for it zeroes in on love and its ruins. One line said: “If someone is flirting with you, please cooperate.” The others are written in gut-busting Taglish, i.e., “Ang mga babae ay parang prutas. May iba’t ibang flavor, itsura, at kulay. Ang problema sa mga lalaki, mahilig sa fruit salad!” (“Women are like fruits. They have different flavors, appearances, and colors. The problem with men is they like fruit salad!”)

In her speech called “The Challenge of Excellence” delivered before the graduating students of Gordon College on 2 April 2014, she said that the youth “are not powerless. Use your Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler, and YouTube accounts to voice your anger and frustration against the politicians who are driven by greed, and who are the very source of corruption in government. Do not allow the rich and the powerful to be given special privileges. You have every right to be furious at all these corrupt politicians, because after all, it is our money that is being used to sustain their expensive lifestyles. As educated professionals, you have a duty to clean up the culture of corruption.”

The book also does not shy from satirizing sex and its appurtenances. “Here is a scientific fact. There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large, elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.”

“A Date with Destiny” is the title of Senator Santiago’s speech before the UP College of Medicine graduates on 20 May 2012. She took graduate studies at Maryhill School of Theology, which inflects this insight: “You are trained doctors — heal yourselves. The wise man said that we should seek elegance rather than luxury, refinement rather than fashion, worth rather than respectability, and wealth rather than riches. You have studied hard. Now think quietly, talk gently with your patients, and act frankly. In addition, listen to the stars and birds, leaders and sages, with an open heart. Await occasions and never hurry. Your most important lesson is that in the common, mundane, things in life, the spiritual, the hidden, and even the unconscious will slowly enlighten you.”

Goodbye, Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago. We will miss your wit, your humor, your brilliance. Godspeed.