Transgender love

Before the Pride Month of June I sat down for an interview with Congresswoman Geraldine Roman of Bataan’s first district, the first trans politician in the Philippines. Since I’ve written about her political ascent before, I decided to focus on love and relationships. Here then, is the bright and fabulous Geraldine Roman in her own words.

How did I find my boyfriend? I sought the help of God. I started a novena to St. Joseph at a church in Bilbao, Spain. I prayed for nine days, and asked God for very specific qualities. One is that my future boyfriend should be a good man. Another is that he should be hardworking.

I also asked God for signs. I said that my future boyfriend should also be a believer, and he should accept me for who I am. My prayer to God, through the intercession of St. Joseph, is that I should have someone who will grow old with me. I’ve always believed that there is somebody for each one of us.

I don’t like the idea of what is happening to some LGBTs who allow themselves to be abused by their partners. One thing I can be proud of is that I never paid for love. There is a Spanish saying, Me jor sola, que mala companiana (Better alone, than have bad company). So if a person does not love me back, then never mind. I don’t deserve to be abused. I gave importance to myself.

After my novena, I went to Madrid for my practicum for my Masters in Journalism. My classmate told me that she has a friend from San Sebastian, near Bilbao, who could help me find a flat in Madrid. We were three girls having our practicum. So I called him up, and that was how I met Alberto.

He was staring at me. He was good-looking. He was with another guy and I gave my telephone number to the second guy, but he insisted on getting my number as well. I was testing how determined he was.

I just read The Rules book, which said that if a person is really interested in you, you do not have to take steps to attract his attention. He will find a way. Now, that is the kind of person you should be interested in.

So Alberto got my number, and I thought that maybe he and the other guy are lovers, you’ll never know. But my two female friends said that Alberto really likes me, and so we went out on dates. Spanish men are adelantado, they will hold your hands in public, they have a sense of humor. There was an immediate connection. He is hardworking, he works as a TV cameraman. After three months of dating, I sat him down and told him that I am transgender and that I had already undergone sexual reassignment surgery.

He was quiet for a while, and then he said, “As far as I am concerned, you are a woman. What is important is the present and our future together. I fell in love with you as a person.” There are many men like him in Europe.

In 1999, we started living together. My parents visited us n Spain and they met Alberto. They loved him. Nababaitan sila. (They found him to be kind). My father got along well with Alberto. Alberto appreciated the fact that even if I cannot give him a child, it is still OK with him. May malasakit at pag-aalaga (he takes care of me). He gives me a foot massage after I come home from work. European men are unlike Filipino men, who could sometimes be medyo senyorito (kind of bratty). When I go home from work there is already food on the table. We clean the house together. He vacuums, I mop the floor. We share all the housework.

I am lucky because all the signs I asked from God were there. My sincere belief is that God sent him to me because if He did not do so, what would have become of me? I might have wasted my life. But then Alberto came.

I returned to the Philippines in 2012 because my father was sick and he followed me here in 2013. He saw my father before he passed away. They have always bonded well together. My father gained a son with Alberto.

We have been together for 18 years and when we momentarily separated in 2012, he was so unhappy. That is why he followed me here. Even my father was looking for him. My father’s initial concerns that Alberto might leave me later because he would want to have a child never happened. Someone offered us a child for adoption, in 2009, a mestizo child, but it did not prosper.

Alberto underwent major adjustments when he followed me to live in Bataan, from food to weather. He gave up his life in Spain for love.

How does one keep a relationship going? There should be mutual respect and communication.

One should also be patient with one’s partner. You should think of what will make your partner happy. My husband is very kind. I have a strong personality and his is less strong. There should be a balance. You must also find a common activity that you both enjoy. We like to travel and to do long driving. We like to discover places and eat different food. We are also into sports. And we pray together. We pray.

I am a living proof that transgenders can be happy and productive citizens of the country, that is why I am filing a Gender Recognition Bill. The Philippine economy will not fall just because we have undergone sexual reassignment surgery.

If you are 14 years old and you’re transgender, my advice to you is be aware that you are a transgender, because gender fluidity exists. Seek a doctor’s advice before taking all those pills. Love yourself and take care of your health. Do not lose hope; a support group is important. Study hard so you can get a good job, save, and have SRS if you want it.

Depression is common among transgenders because we think the horizon of hope is so narrow. But it is not. Do not despair. God loves you because God created you just the way you are. He has a purpose for you.

And that purpose is to live your life to the fullest, to love, and be the best woman you can ever be.

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