Chasing ‘moments’

The weeks just past brought forth news of friends having sudden reunions, totally unexpected reunions, with our Creator. Sito Recto, brother of my classmate Andie Recto and husband of 25 years of my schoolmate Gretchen Ocampo-Recto, was just laughing and joking with his family a few hours before he breathed his last.

Former PeopleAsia marketing manager Chrissie Garcia passed away at age 47. I did not personally know Isabel Granada, but I was just as shocked as her relatives and many fans were when she collapsed from aneurysm, never to awaken again, at the age of 41.

My first cousin Marie Ancheta Meyers, who was in her early fifties, was getting ready for work when she collapsed in her bedroom. Just like that. She had no chest pains, no headaches prior to her losing consciousness. Paramedics rushed her to the hospital, but they couldn’t save beautiful Marie.

How true it is the saying that when we wake up every morning, we open two gifts: our eyes.

The other day, I found myself in a bad mood for one reason or the other and as I was staring out the car window on the way to work, a thought suddenly hit me like a wayward truck: If this was going to be my last day on earth, how sad that it was going to be one clothed in a bad mood. That thought immediately lifted the fog of imbiyerna clouding my being.

For truly, life is short.

* * *

One fine day four years ago, Sito wrote a book titled A Life Strategy Book For My Kids. Dedicated to his wife Gretchen, the easy-to-read book contains many “bilins” — nuggets of wisdom for his kids. It is a compendium of pieces of advice a dad would give his kids during a chat, and not a sermon. If you read the book, you will realize these pieces of advice come from both Sito’s heart and head, and therefore are tried and tested.

Sito began his book, which is available on Amazon and which you can read on Kindle, by writing, “I love all of you so much. Next to having a loving wife like your mother, having kids is the best life experience you can ever have.”

He had tips on many topics, like investing: “Divide your wealth in six or more parts. No one asset should comprise more than one-sixth.” He said he learned this from a speech by John Gokongwei.

On career: “Work at something you have a passion for. You may earn at your own enjoyment.”

On a life partner: “No one person has all the good qualities. Be realistic, not too idealistic.”

On travel: “Travel is a good investment of time, one that has only memories as a payback. So do not borrow money to travel. Only use your excess funds.”

On money and wealth: “Look at earnings and expenses like footprints when walking. Your expense footprint should always be smaller than your earnings footprint.”

In one chapter, he told his children, “I only realized how valuable life is when I reached this stage. Time is the one asset you can never recover.”

In one of the final chapters, Sito told his children that what would ultimately define them is their good deeds. “Your kindness will define you.”

I asked Gretchen what made Sito write this book, which he finished in two days, four years ago. He wasn’t sick at the time.

 “He just wrote it one fine day for no particular reason,” recalled Gretchen. “But I guess he always felt  or knew he didn’t have too many years ahead…”

A Life Strategy Book For My Kids by Alfonso Recto.

* * *

The only thing we are sure about is this moment. Yesterday is but a memory, and tomorrow, just a promise. Promises may be broken.

So, live the moment. As Cesare Pavese said, “We do not remember days, we remember moments.”

Wake up and smell the coffee. My coffee is sacred ritual to me. I inhale the aroma of my brew (Starbucks’ Ethiopia or Guatemala beans). Then, eyes closed in anticipation, I take a cautious sip. I like my coffee hot and when waiters ask me if I want a refill, I politely tell them, “I want a new cup.” So, the new steaming brew that is poured into my cup isn’t diluted with the lukewarm one sitting in the bottom of my cup. I usually take time with my coffee, and take the seat in our dining table that faces the lush pocket garden beyond. It’s like looking at a painting framed by the window frames. I frame in my gallery of memories this quiet moment every day — me, my coffee and my view.

A paraplegic, who was paralyzed for life after he jumped from the diving board into an empty pool in the dark, was once asked what he missed most about his old self. Instead of answering, “Everything!”, he said, “I miss the feeling of warm water from the shower running down my back.” That made me realize something a lot of us take for granted: water meandering down our back, especially when we are not in a hurry. It’s an every day thing. But it’s the most precious feeling to someone who can only imagine it now.

When I was in Vienna recently, our tour guide told us that the Viennese have this saying, which when translated into English, means something like, “We like to eat well, drink well, and hate to be rushed.”

They live their moments, whether it is having a cup of coffee with their sachertorte in their favorite café; drinking beer with sausages or simply watching the dance of the swans on the many ponds in their lush parks.

Not many of us can afford this kind of easy living. There are bills to be paid, goals to reach, promises to keep.

So, I take pleasure, too, in the adrenaline rush during a busy work day, or as I race to beat a deadline. It’s that high that workaholics get when they are doing what they love. Thus, during the times that I am frightfully busy, I relish the adrenaline rush. There’s an exhilaration in work, the same kind of high after 30 minutes of dancing. It’s intellectual cardio. You’re perspiring but you’re happy.

So, whether it’s feeling the perk from coffee or the high from work, relish it. Even when you’re bored, savor the boredom. In this frenetic day and age, the stillness from doing nothing is actually a spiritual workout.

Chase happy moments for the rest of your life.

(You may e-mail me at [email protected].)