Is 'forever' for real?

For the pilot of monthly features, PhilStar.com’s NewsLab examines how much does “forever” resonate among couples in various circumstances. The team also sought the insight of an esteemed anthropologist to examine how embedded such notion is in the Filipino psyche.

Nowadays, becoming an Internet sensation comes with a surprisingly easy recipe.

You could either be a rude driver caught on someone else’s dashboard camera. You can also be a politician whose incendiary choice of words are befitting of a meme. Or maybe you could be just any-Juan who posts sappy and cheesy lines and declaring to the Twitterverse or the Facebook realm your two cent[avos] on, drum roll, please… “forever.”

It’s easy to play expert in such field. After all, romantic love is so deeply rooted in the Philippine pneuma that it’s a central theme in the native origin stories, according to Felipe Jocano Jr, an anthropologist at University of the Philippines in Diliman.

Jocano said that such motif is also shared across by many cultures. Even Western folklore we’re so accustomed to ends in a phrase all too familiar: “And they lived happily ever after.”

“Philippine folk literature across the different language and ethnic groups has this theme as well,” he said. “Many of the folk stories, the shorter ones, are tragic. Some of which are also origin [stories].”

True enough, a quick pull in the Internet yields two myths that trace love as the main catalyst in the formation of the world. An online aggregation of folklore can be accessed at the University of Pittsburgh’ hub.

But just how big is the scope of love when it comes to varying cultures? A New York Times report published in 1992 examines Love as a “rogue legacy of humanity’s shared evolutionary past.” It details what two American anthropologist championed in a cross-cultural study: “That there is romantic love in cultures around the world.”

And such unrelenting concept of romantic love is most vividly depicted in a recent piece of literature featured in Granta Magazine. Brussels-based photographer Max Pinckers captures how the notion of romantic love goes against the ties of long-established arranged marriage. It echoes what the aforementioned Times feature has been highlighting all this time.

“Romantic and long lasting love is a search for stability. It will never go away because that's how our cultures are replicated,” Jocano shared.

So what’s the fuss around the renowned phrase “Walang Forever”? Is it just another fleeting trend? A buzz to complement a movie? Or is it something that just unraveled as we go on with modernity?

For Jocano, it’s just another machination of the media.

“‘Walang Forever’ is a creation of the usual suspects—popular media such as the movies, television and the Internet,” he said. “It's a fad, a bandwagon so to speak. In previous decades, this was already present in various forms, such as the so-called ‘Death of the Family in the ‘70s [and]the idea of the ‘Fling’ in the ‘90s”

“Walang forever is an expression of frustrated romantic love, which is a search for stability,” he added.

PhilStar.com's NewsLab interviewed Helen Valcos, a widow for 13 years; Lily and Fred Mendoza, a married couple for 53 years; and Christian Capiral and Regine Sy who just got engaged, and asked them if “forever” is an idea that they subscribe to.

Twenty-year-old marketing professional Agueda Artacho, whose real name is withheld for fear of flak, believes in forever. Despite being a gay woman in a country that still doesn't allow same-sex union, she believes it's something that could be attained in the future.

"I was scared to tell my parents because I'm afraid of judgment. My mom is a conservative Catholic. Although I haven't heard her say comment on same-sex couples we see around, I'm still not confident that she would be open-minded about her own daughter being in that kind of relationship. I was afraid she wouldn't be able to accept my decisions and my preferences," Artacho said.

But her case is among the few fortunate ones out there.

"Last Christmas, I was finally able to tell her. It was awkward but when she said that she accepts me for my choices, I was relieved. Of course, she asked the most important question if we're in love, to which I responded with a big yes," she said.

The version of Forever she clings to might be a far-fetched one in this country. But Artacho, who is about to reach her fourth year with her partner of the same age, is taking matters to her own hands.

"We really don't get bothered about the limitations [here.]. Right now, we have an on-going application to move to Canada. We're planning to get married there, but we haven't decided when yet," she reveals. "I think it depends on how a person creates their own Forever. Parang it's sort of saying that forever differs per person, how they wanted it to be. I think this is ours."

"If Forever is settling down, then I definitely haven't thought about it as clear as right now. It has crossed my mind once, but the funny thing is pag naiisip ko 'yung ending up together with my ex before, we would be separated or annulled din eventually. I think what changed my mind is the security I feel with my partner now. We understand each other and parang 'yung boundaries kasi with my past relationships, nawala."

Meanwhile, seven in 10 Filipinos believe in long and lasting romantic love. According to a pre-Valentine’s Day survey conducted by the Social Weather Stations, 73 percent of the adult respondents believe in “Forever.” The other 27 percent is split by those who don’t believe and those who are quite unsure.

While belief in “forever” was also very strong in all age groups, it wasn’t the case among ages 18-24, the survey added. You can access PhilStar.com's earlier report on the study here.

So in an effort to, well, make the world a better place, we decided to put a spin to what is arguably the most recurring theme akin to “Forever,” which is “Regret.” We asked the same people about the things they are most remorseful of, in an effort to identify which facets of their life they had to tweak to relish the moment of “forever” they have now.

Hopefully, for always, all ways.