The wisdom of children

I have two sons, Benj and Roberto, aged 20 and 24. I come from a family of seven. And all of us, like most other adolescents, went through some kind of transition phase.

I was searching and ended up a missionary for 20 years! My siblings were caught up in the flower power of the ’60s. I have often wondered how my mother managed with several “transitioning” teens at the same time!

Similarly, my sons are undergoing their own processes. There is a saying that goes: “You can change your spouses but not your children.”  The need is to weather the chaos and just be there for them.

In Benj’s process, what helped was me unearthing his words which I had taken down verbatim when he was five years old in the family guest house in Subic. It was after my meditation and he was in the room. When I went to hug him, he started talking — in awe, I took a notepad and wrote it down.

With his permission I am sharing it with you, then I will give my reflections.

Benj — Dec. 30, 2001

“In the stars, in the heroes, when all of you become the strongest, when you be the strongest of all the heroes, when you become the greatest of all the heroes, you will become the strongest of all the heroes. You will be the best of all in the earth.”

• “Trees grow beside you, when you become the power of all the power.”

• “The more money you get, the more food you get. Also, things you get.”

Feb. 1 7, 2002

“If you want to be with God and Christ, you have to be good and not selfish. But if you don’t be good and will be very selfish, you won’t go back to heaven again.  But if you want to go to heaven, you have to do good things. If you be bad you won’t go to heaven.”

Benj’s Prayer at 5 years old

Please make all the people in the world happy.

And don’t make them sad.

And don’t make them angry.

And don’t make them selfish.

And don’t make them bad.

Don’t let the chairs break.

Don’t let the trees break.

Don’t let the house break when there is a big storm.

Don’t let the house break when there is an earthquake.

Don’t let the birds die and don’t let the animals die.

And don’t let the fishes die.

Benj’s wish for 2002

“May you be the strongest of all the powers and moon and stars — and houses and feelings — and trees and winds — the sky will be blue forever and ever. When you do good dreams, the dreams will come true. When you do bad dreams, the bad dreams won’t come true. And if you also do good dreams — and very good dreams — then you can fly and go to heaven and go to stars, moon, planets — all around the whole world and the whole universe.

“When the wind blows, you fly. When you come here, you go. When the wind blows, the houses come clean and bright. When the houses come clean and bright, you will not be destroyed. Not even a bad spirit, not even bad gods, not even so bad gods, not bad gods, not bad angels, not bad evils, not bad anything can harm the houses that are strong.”

Then later in the day, Benj gave another wish:

“Mama, I have another wish. That plants grow in your garden. When you see the plants, plants have power. When you want power in your garden, you just ask God to have power. You will have power in your garden.  Then your garden will be strong and super strong.  The angels will guard it. God will guard it. And the spirits will guard it. All good things will guard it.”

When I read these verses, I am unfailingly in awe of the wisdom inherent in them. Their early childhood years were spent in Waldorf School, which is committed to nurturing the “child within.” I pulled Benj out because I wanted his older brother to be more exposed to more academic rigor. In retrospect, I think I pulled him out too early. Waldorf doesn’t encourage computers until the teen years — or too much technology. I think Benj was introduced to the computer too early. My observation is the computer is a great tool — but in the younger years, it can even be harmful. Because it is the portal to so many flows of thinking and intensities, it is not healthy for a child to be exposed until his groundings in life are very firm. The computer kind of sucks you up in its world — and it can be harmful.

When he was born, Benj was this delightful bundle of love and joy. As he entered his teen years, he got sullen — and just hung out with his friends. After a year in Miami as a freshman, he has come back very introspective.

Raising my sons, although they were baptized, I didn’t expose them to organized religion because of my own personal take that it can be quite shallow. That the essence of the Divine lies in silence, in the heart — in the way one lives one’s life — more than a one-hour Sunday commitment. I remember biking to San Antonio Church every day from my house in Pili Avenue in Forbes Park when I was very young — 11 maybe, and not feeling anything. Social life took me over. Then in Boston, I visited an ashram where people were singing and I felt something. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, my soul was touched.

Similarly, when Benj was with his friends traveling in Europe after his high school at International School, he told me he felt something in the Sistine Chapel in Rome. Although the paintings were of suffering, he felt something.

Back home for his summer break, he was asking profound questions like, “What is the meaning of life?” He even sent a message to the Pope that we should not have death penalty. I actually agree because I believe all life should have a chance at redemption. While I agree in the necessity of  Duterte’s strong arm stance, I am not convinced that death should be the answer.

In fact, I think our justice system should be more reformative than punitive. As it is, the criminals that go to jail come out worse, when jail should be a time for them to rehabilitate.

He also told the Pope that we should not have polluting cars. It’s just a movement downwards because as more polluting cars proliferate, our infrastructure remains the same.

He said he had a vision of human life traveling and that death was but an entrance to five pillars of beauty, love and wisdom.

It’s amazing  — the wisdom that comes from those who we often think are “wet behind the ears.” He even came up with an idea that his left-handed brother who has a racing mind should try using his right hand so that his brain will get balanced. I find this so creative and out of the box.

Wisdom — where does it come from? Experience brings us to the point of wisdom. And access to higher realms also brings us there.

Life is blessed. It is what we make of it.

On June 18, I will have a one-day sharing of adolescent problems at the Luna Gardens in Rockwell, from 9 a.m. to 12nn. In the hope that us mothers or fathers can be better equipped with the skills to see our kids through. Contact Anna Dolendo at 09778514366 if you are interested.

I want to share with you this site about Highly Sensitive People, which was a bestseller: http://sensitivethemovie.com/. Watch this movie. If you have highly sensitive children, it might help you better understand them. You might want to check out the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIxSUqiLoOM.

Because the Philippines is innately spiritual, I think there are many highly sensitive children in the Philippines.

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I can be reached at regina_lopez@abs-cbn.com.