An epistle to the newlyweds
Today, my wife and I are in Cebu to stand as wedding sponsors to two law students who decided to get married. I have these to say to them.
Inasmuch as you have decided to join your two lives and live as one until death do you part, it behooves upon me, your chosen principal ninong to give you the most precious gift; wisdom. I have been married to your ninang for almost 40 years now, and a year ago we renewed our marriage vows in Cana, where our Lord instituted the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony. I call upon you to hear these words. As we bless you, we pray these words help you hold on to each other in the face of trials and difficulties.
My first message is faithfulness. As husband you must be totally faithful to your wife. It's not enough to not covet other's wives, not touch other women, or allow yourself to be touched by another woman. Faithfulness means you shall stand for, with, and by your wife always. As wife, you are to do the same. Never hide anything from him, talk against him in his presence, or behind his back. Faithfulness means that each of you shall stand together, right or wrong.
My second message is financial stewardship. Sit down together and plan your finances together. You need not be accountants to figure out expenses should not exceed income. The rule of thumb is simple; never spend beyond your means. Throw away all credit cards, except only one for emergency and travel abroad. Spend only half of your net income. One fourth should be saved and the other fourth invested. Think of expenses for the children's education. Never give to other people without the knowledge of your spouse. Make sure you have enough money for medical expenses, travel, and leisure when you retire.
My third message is family dialogue. Do not wait for trouble to beset your marriage. Hold constant dialogue after dinner, when heads are cool and nobody is rushing to go somewhere. Husband, listen to your wife attentively, and look at her body language. When she is angry, respect her anger. Do not interrupt, allow her to have catharsis. Don't stay in front of her, that is an adversarial position. Stay beside her and hold her hands. It means it is you and her against the problems, not you versus her. Agree that only your wife can be angry on MWF, and you on TThS. That way your mutual anger will never collide. On Sundays, go to Church and have lunch together. Your husband is not the handsomest or the richest, but he has wisdom for choosing you. Your wife is not the sexiest or the most intelligent, but she has patience for staying with you. Nurture what you have and always manage to be happy. Life is neither short nor long. For those who stay in love, life is timeless like eternity.
Remember, marriage is more important than the wedding. The honeymoon only lasts a month but the struggle to stay together will be a lifetime. Congratulations and stay with each other no matter what. Marriage is not an excursion or trip. It is a lifetime journey. You have decided to be together. Stay together even amidst the most difficult adversities. That's the only right way.
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