Want to ‘enrich’ your ‘swardspeak lexicon’?

Can’t help reprinting this story about Jose “Pete” Lacaba’s book Showbiz Lengua (Chika & Chismax about Chuvachuchu) which came out in 2011. It’s such a funny (at once educational/informative) piece that I want not only Funfare readers but other people as well to enjoy reading it one more time, especially since I guess copies of the book must have been sold out since then. 

Published by Anvil and (I hope still) available at some branches of National Bookstores, the book is a compilation of Pete’s columns in YES! magazine. Pete wrote Plangak! in his short dedication on the complimentary copy that he gave me as a Christmas gift. According to Pete, he retrieved the following “definition and usage” from the Internet:

• PLANGAK (adv.): exactly, precisely; syn: palangana, palangganang butas, truly, trulili, as in “Plangak! Mahirap umakyat ng bakod na may bubog kapag kinakati ka na, ‘day!’”

• “Plangak: mismo/correct. Usage: A: Ibig mo bang sabihin, nag-jug na kayo a long time ago, wiz mo lang sinasabi sakin? B: Plangak!”

• “Plangak! Korak! Flangganah! Kaplang! — correct! Exactly!”

• “Plangak, tumpak, precisely.”

• “Plangak!!! Totoo ka talaga diyan kafatid!”

• “Plangak ka jan fafa!!”

• “Aaaayyy! Hahahahah!!! Gagah ka sister! Ang landeeeeeeeee!!!! Ahihihi!!! Plangak ka dyan aching!!!”

Besides plangak and a wealth of showbiz vocabulary, what I find hilariously entertaining about Pete’s book are the chapters on acronyms. I reread them and couldn’t stop laughing like the first time.

Here are samples:

• ITALY: I Trust And Love You.

• BURMA: Between Us, Remember Me Always.

• CANADA: Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction.

• CHINA: Come Here I Need Affection.

• EGYPT: Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing!

• FRANCE: Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

• HOLLAND: Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

• INDIA: I Nearly Died In Adoration.

• IRAN: Ikaw Rin Ang Nawalan.

• JAPAN: Just Always Pray At Night.

• KENYA: Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

• KOREA: Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every Adversity.

• LIBYA: Love Is Beautiful, You Also.

• NEPAL: Never Ever Part As Lovers.

• PERU: Porget Everyone Remember Us.

• RUSSIA: Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always.

• THAILAND: Totally Happy Always In Love And Never Dull.

• YEMEN: Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night.

• BALIWAG: Beauty And Love I Will Always Give.

• CEBU: Change Everything But Us.

• IMUS: I Miss U, Sweetheart.

• MALABON: May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now.

• MANILA: May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

• PARANAQUE: Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstasy.

• PASAY: Pretty And Sexy Are You.

• PASIG: Please Always Say I’m Gorgeous.

• TONDO: Tonight’s Our Night, Dearest One.

• MARLBORO: Men Always Remember Love Because Of Romance Only.

• YAMAHA: You Are Always My Angel! Happy Anniversary!

• PHILIPPINES: Pumping Hot…I Love it!...Please Please…I Need Erotic Stimulation!

And here’s the acronym that tops all acronyms put together. Take a deep breath before reading it and I dare you to memorize it even after reviewing it 10 times. Here we go:

• SAN MIGUEL: Sa Aming Nayon, May Isang Grupong Uminom. E, Lasing…

• PALE PILSEN: Pati Ako, Lasing. E, P***ng Ina, Lasing Sila. Eto’ng Nangyari…

• EXPERTLY BREWED: Erbi, Ekis, Pinaghalo. E, Rindi! Talagang Laklakan Yan Bawat Round. E, Wala. E, Di…(Note for those not old enough to remember: erbi is reverse slang for beer; ekis or X is shorthand for Madrax, a cheap potion that’s most likely prescribed by the Dangerous Drugs Board.)…

• AND BOTTLED BY: At Noon Din, Bawat Order, Tuloy-Tuloy. Lasing, E. Dumampot. Buti Yelo…

• SAN MIGUEL BREWERY: Sapagkat Ang Nangyari, May Isang Gagong Umentra. E, Lasing. Banatan, Rumble. E, Wasak. E, Rumesbak. Yari…

• PHILIPPINES: Pati Hostess, Inupakan. Lasing, Inupakan. Pati Pulis, Inupakan. Nahuli, Engot Siya…

• NET CONTENTS: Ngunit Etong Tarantadong Constable, Okey. Nag-Trip. E, Naging Trip Sauna…320 ML: 320, Masahe Lang.

(Note from your Funfarer: After reading Showbiz Lengua, don’t forget to scream,“Plangak!!!!”)

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