The pleasure and pains of being a mother

MANILA, Philippines - Losing a child, whether a grown-up, a teen-ager or even just a weeks-old baby, is the single most devastating experience a mother can have.

Rica Peralejo, who lost her eight-week-old baby through a miscarriage last March, fully comprehends the unspeakable grief that comes with losing a child and how the intensity of sorrow can drive mothers insane.

 On Mother’s Day, Rica could not help but remember the baby that she lost.

“Now, I know the feeling why mothers lose hope or go crazy when they lose their babies, especially for moms who go through a miscarriage because, come to think of it, it’s a very unfair thing to happen to women. I went through the contractions, the labor of a pregnant woman who is in delivery. I even got operated on, our hospital bills were so high, but in the end, I did not bring home a baby. In my mind, it was so unfair, why do I have to go through all of that,” the actress/TV personality told The Star in an interview.

The actress was chosen as a brand ambassador of the anti-allergy drug Virlix.

Rica was excited when she learned that she was pregnant sometime in January. She even posted photos of her baby bump on her Instagram account, happy to share the good news to her followers. But God had different plans, Rica realized.

“I was about to hit three months when the baby stopped developing at eight weeks, it’s a small baby and we just lost the heartbeat,” she shared.

The days after losing the baby were the most difficult for her, she said. There were days when she would daydream and think about the what-ifs and possibilities; what would her baby look like? Would it have been a girl or another boy? And then she would be overwhelmed by sadness and fear that it might happen again to her.

“The pain was inescapable. But the hardest dealing was dealing with ‘fear’ everyday, because the experience was traumatic and I don’t want to go through it again, I have anxiety and I’m afraid that it might happen again. I needed to get over the hump. So I’m getting there, it’s like one step at a time,” Rica said.

She turned to God, her husband Joseph, her two-year-old son Philip, family and friends to cope with the trauma and loss.

 “I thank God for the faith that He put in me. I think that a very strong foundation in God and having an amazing,supportive husband are the two biggest things that helped me cope with the pain. I think that you really needed to be grounded on something to be able to cope with it peacefully and also, I think that it’s possible for pain and peace to co-exist. Even if you’re in pain, even if you get lonely, there’s also a strange peace in your heart, knowing that this is what is supposed to happen,” she said.

Accepting God’s will made it easier for her to move on and heal.

“I can’t really change it. It’s what is written out for me. Whatever is in store for me in the days to come can only mean better days. I knew it’s for a purpose,” she said.

Rica feels that it’s her mission to comfort mothers who experienced the tragedy of losing their child.

“I do wish that if only I could speak to women who have gone through a painful miscarriage. I want to tell them that they can rise above their pain and continue with their lives. I know that it is something that cannot be erased, and that you can’t turn back time, but I also want them to know that this tragedy does not define your life. You did not lose; it happened for a reason,” said Rica.

As she moves on, Rica busies herself taking care of Joseph and her little bundle of joy, Philip.

In her Instagram account, Rica shared that she feels profound joy being with her son.

Describing Philip as a sweet boy, Rica takes him wherever she goes for as long as possible, even on travels abroad. Their recent trip was in Istanbul, Turkey.

Motherhood has, indeed, changed Rica.

“When you’re a mother, you have to prioritize your family much more than yourself. If before when you’re still single, you don’t have much responsibilities, now, your life no longer just belongs to you, it is already revolving around your husband and most importantly your child. Philip is still small and I can see that he cannot live without me,” Rica said.

And to make sure that she can raise Philip well, Rica makes sure she’s healthy and fit.

“When you are a mom, you should be strong. In our travels, I carry my son’s stroller. During long walks, there are times that I carry him. To be strong, I try to exercise. I’m into this exercise where you use your body weight and I have machines at home. There are also times when I do badminton and I’m about to do get myself into Yoga,” she said.

What about her diet?

“I try to eat clean food. I have to know how it’s processed and where it came from. I try to use less of the bad stuff. The bottom line is I need to be healthy so I can take care of my son well,” Rica said.

She shared that she gets worried whenever Philip gets sick but understands that it’s all part of growing up. Philip has allergies and thankfully, Rica said there’s a brand that she fully trusts, Virlix. That’s why she was happy when she learned that she will be a brand endorser.

“When they inquired if I could be an endorser, I immediately said yes. I’m interested because Virlix is really the one I use for my baby. I was very excited about it, I know it’s going to be a great partnership,” Rica said.

Dr. Sheila Chua, GSJK’s medical affairs manager and practicing dermatologist said a common problem of children during summer is allergies. When allergy happens, she advised to take Virlix, an anti-allergy drug that contains  Cetirizinem, an antihistamine that helps you manage the symptoms of allergies.

“Allergies don’t have to run your family’s summer fun. All you have to do is take note of what causes allergies among your family members and try to avoid them, so as to manage your allergy symptoms,” Chua said.