Honoring the dead while hurting the living

One thing I don't admire in our tradition, with all due respect, is that we always honor the dead while we dishonor the living. On this day and tomorrow, we spend a lot of time, money, and effort, outdoing each other in giving much ado to decorating the tombs, buying the most expensive flower arrangements, even transforming the cemeteries into a virtual center of celebrations, making noises, eating a lot of food, even partaking of hard drinks while supposedly praying for the eternal repose of our love ones' souls. We are not only crazy, we can also be stupid.

To honor supposedly the dead while hurting many of the living is plain and blatant hypocrisy. We spend more time in the memorial parks while refusing even to visit an old and dying relative. We care not to bring some flowers to the living while we spend a lot buying orchids for the dead. We say many good words during the eulogy in the necrology services. But we malign those who still dwell with us, we assassinate character, we tell and spread gossip against those who have wronged us or those whom we just want to hurt. We are all good praises for the one inside the coffin while we libel and defame those whom we work and live with. This is plain hypocrisy.

Even some tears are fake and contrived. Many would even howl and make a lot of dramatic ''pakitang tao'' during funerals and internment ceremonies. But while the person was still alive and kicking, we ignore them; we forget them; we even hurt them by our anger and spite, our thirst for vengeance and revenge. When the mortal remains of the late Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago were still lying in state at the funeral parlor, the widower, lawyer Jun Santiago expressed regrets that all the good words said were never uttered while the lady senator was still alive and kicking.

People are prone to criticize friends, associates, and relatives. They always see the imperfections, even stress and highlight them. People always focus on the negative, always seeing the gaps, the deficiencies and the inadequacies. But when these people die, they send all the beautiful cards, all the expensive flowers and dare to say the most profound words of admiration and awe. People are not genuine; they are all wearing masks of hypocrisy and pretension. That is why I hate necrology services. I hate internment ceremonies. In these services, I see how fake people are.

Why can't we honor the living and just remember with reverence the dead? Why can't we express our affections for those who are still with us? Why don't we send the flowers to those who still dwell with us as friends, relatives, and loved ones? Why don't we spend these holy days reflecting on our values and character? Why don't we be true to ourselves and to our fellow men and women? Being true to others and being  true to ourselves, after all, is what matters most.

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