If You Love Me…

In the Broadway musical “Fiddler on the Roof,” there’s a scene where Tevye keeps nagging his wife, Golda, by asking “Do you love me?”  She says, “Look at this man…  Look at you…  I am your wife, I cook your meals, wash your clothes, milk the cows, raise half a dozen daughters for you, my bed is yours, my time is yours, everything I have and am, I share with you – and after all that, you want to know whether I love you?  Oh well, I guess I do…”

Golda’s point is: Why would I do all these things for you if not for love.  In fact she says,  “If this is not love – what is?”

A pre-note of St. Ignatius in the “Contemplation for Love” goes: “Love is shown more by deeds than by words.” And Jesus himself says, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”

If two people were really in love, they would spontaneously try to please each other. Their delights would be in meeting the desires of the beloved.  And this attitude is quite sincere.  For indeed, as long as the beloved is pleased, they won’t mind sacrificing, what they normally would have liked to do.  Why?

Because everything looks different and feels different when the beloved is there.  As a saying goes, “I love you not so much for what you are, as for what I become when you are around.”

What we observe between two lovers is also true in all other instances, where there is real love.  In a close-knit family, for example, obedience is something spontaneous on the part of the children.  They know that what their parents ask of them is really an expression of love,  and so they respond with willing obedience. Obedience is a spontaneous response of love, not something demanded.

The same holds true for close friends.  It even applies to the relationship between superiors and subordinates, teachers and students, employer and employees.

When the relationship is good, when the person exercising the authority is a loving person, who shows care and concern for those under him, then obedience follows naturally.  Why?  Because fundamentally love is a union of minds and hearts. 

If I am truly united with someone in mind and heart, I will want what that someone wants.  It is a law of human psychology.  That is the way we humans are made.  It is as simple as that.

There’s a story about a person who saw an angel walking down the street.  The angel was carrying a torch in one hand and a bucket of water in the other.  “What are you going to do with that torch and a bucket of water?” the person asked.

The angel stopped abruptly, looked at the person and said, “With the torch, I’m going to burn down the mansions of heaven; and with the bucket of water, I’m going to put out the fires of hell.  Then we’re going to see who really loves God.”

The angel’s point was that many people obey God’s commandments out of fear of punishment in hell or hope of reward in heaven.  They don’t obey them for the reasons Jesus gives in today’s Gospel.  They don’t obey them out of love: “If you love me,” Jesus says in today’s reading, “you will obey my commandments.”

The words of Jesus merely reflect this universal law that love is a union of heart and mind – that I will want what my beloved wants. “He who obeys my commandments is the one who loves me… If you love me, obey the commandments I give you.”

What are those commandments?  Well, in John’s Gospel they are practically summed up in two basic attitudes. First, acceptance of Jesus as the One sent by God – which means to recognize him as our guide in life, as our Lord and Master. Second, to love our sisters and brothers.

I therefore obey the first commandment of Jesus when I firmly place him at the very center of my life, when I adopt his values and judgments on things, when I seek to imitate his example in all the details of my existence, like the concern for doing the Father’s will, to live a life of love and caring, of compassion and forgiveness.

I obey the second commandment of Jesus when I serve those around me according to my situation in life as a parent,  as son or daughter,  as spouse,  as friend, as relative, as neighbor,  as an employer or  employee, as officemate,  as public official,  as a citizen. 

If I do this, then I know with certainty that I am a true disciple of Jesus, that I really love him. Notice that my love for him is not a sentimental love, made up of nice feelings.  It is a strong, efficient love, made up of practical obedience to his wishes. 

Such an active love, Jesus tells us, has a wonderful effect on our lives.  What happens, when I live in this way? The words of Jesus are very simple, “I will come to you…  I will reveal myself to you… I will be in you and you will be in me.”

In other words, I will experience a deep communion with him.  I will be aware of his loving presence in my heart.  This does not mean that I will be constantly experiencing spiritual consolations or sweet feelings.  It means that whatever difficulties, trials and sufferings I meet in my life, I will be at peace – at peace with God, at peace with myself, at peace with those I meet. 

And, deep down in my heart, I will know that, when Christ is my center and my rock, then indeed life can be beautiful!

Jesus presents his commandments as opportunities to express our love for him.  They are invitations to show our love for him. 

Today’s Gospel invites us to check our motives.  Why do we obey Jesus’ commandments?  Do we do it more out of fear of punishments?  Do we do it out of hope for reward?  Or do we do it more out of love for Jesus?

Once St. Ignatius was asked, “If you were given a choice between dying tomorrow and going straight to heaven, or living for many more years with plenty of opportunities for serving the Lord, but not sure of your own salvation, which would you choose?”

Without hesitation St. Ignatius said, “Many more years with plenty of opportunities for serving the Lord!”

A religion based solely on fear of punishment or hope of reward tends to seek loopholes.  For example, we hear people say, “How far can I go before I commit sin?”  “How much can I steal before I commit a mortal sin?”  “How little can I give and still satisfy the Christian obligation?”  “How late can I be at Mass and still fulfill my obligation?”

On the other hand, a religion based on love seeks opportunities.  For example, we hear people say, “What more can I do to help?”  “Is there anything you need?”  “Don’t hesitate to call me at any time.” 

Love seeks only to be of service. How have we looked upon Jesus’ commands in the past?  How ought we look upon them in the future?  What can we do about them, beginning right now? 

This is the challenge today’s Gospel sets before each one of us. Let’s close by paraphrasing the words of Harry Emerson Fosdick:

“Fear tends to paralyze, love releases.

Fear sours, love sweetens.

Fear wounds, love heals.

Fear avoids, love invites.”

Is your life dominated by fear or love?