Mind the Gap

"Mind the gap," is a warning heard in London Underground stations.  Literally, it means one should be warned of the gap that comes between the train and the tracks. I suppose, in the past, people have not minded those gaps which might have resulted in anything from lost keys and maybe even personal injuries. Which then begs the question: Why couldn't they fill or at least cover the gap in the first place? I'm not an engineer but I trust that the gap too has its purpose.

Even in our lives, gaps exist for a reason. Sometimes the gaps are caused by unfulfilled dreams or unmet expectations. But more often than not the most painful gaps we have are caused by the loss of someone we love. Whether the loss is brought about by death, distance, illness, even betrayal, we find ourselves longing to fill the empty space inside us. Only to find that nothing really does. Oh, we can learn to live with it, make peace with it or even forget it for a while but the gap will still remain.

I've friends who've tried to get over romantic heartbreaks by throwing themselves into the dating scene, which of course was fine until things unraveled. I've seen students attempt to fill the gap of an absent parent by engaging in self-destructive behavior. Others pray, get a new hobby, travel, do retail therapy, exercise, or write. And while these can keep the sadness at bay for some time, they cannot cover the fact that the gap is still there. 

So perhaps the best way to deal with the gap is actually to "mind" it. I came across a beautiful quote from someone who posted it online. Until I'd read it, I didn't realize that I too needed to mind the gaps in my life. "Nothing can fill the gap when we are away from those we love, and it would be wrong to try and find a substitute. We must simply hold out and win through. That sounds very hard at first, but at the same time it is a great consolation, since leaving the gap unfilled preserves the bonds between us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap. [God] does not fill it but keeps it empty so that our communion with each other may be kept alive even at the cost of pain." (Deitrich Bonhoeffer)

Some gaps are really necessary. If only to remind us that what we lost was worth having. Or since we're talking about people, worth loving. If we are people of faith, we hope that at some point the gaps will be filled, not by some substitute or fake stand-in but by the person we lost, whether through healing, forgiveness, reunion or life after death. Until such time, however, we would do well to remind each other to mind the gap. And be grateful for it.  - TACKED THOUGHTS Nancy Unchuan Toledo