Charming and unreal

Mr. Santos is a charming, successful businessman. In fact, he is so darned charismatic. He speaks with a soft voice, his actions are measured and he would easily get you to trust him right away.

His friend Atty. Gomez is the same. Both of them are admired because of their charm and demeanor.

Well one day Mr. Santos’ warehouse caught fire. And the investigation into the fire, which destroyed his warehouse, took almost a year to complete. So when Mr. Santos received word that the case had finally been settled. He headed right over to his lawyer’s office to collect the insurance money.

Once there, he was stunned by just how large a percentage his lawyer friend was retaining to cover his services.

 “Face it, Mr. Santos,” said the smooth talking lawyer said, “I’ve earned it, now haven’t I?”

“Bah,” muttered the businessman under his breath, “from the charges and the expenses you are extracting from me you’d think you started the fire.”

Oops! These two charming and charismatic people are not exactly honest and trustworthy after all are they?

I have met people like these in my life. Out of inexperience did business with them only to be burnt later on. Maybe you have too?

People today have mastered the art of the artificial smile. Manipulative people measure their every step and behavior. They prey on people because they know what their victims want. They love using and abusing people.

The difference between users and abusers is that users will use you to get what they want. Their motto in life? “The end justifies the means.” They use you to get money, favor, a job, a position, a loan approval or anything they are seeking. And because you did, you end up feeling like you have been used and this is because you indeed have been used.

Abusers on the other hand will hurt you. They bring shrewdness to a deeper level. They will lie, deceive, badmouth, spread false rumors and discredit you in order to make your life miserable. Just because they cannot get what they want from you or because you stand up against what they do they will make it their life career or spiritual ministry to go all out and attack you.

So what is so sad about this? Business people like you and me are very accustomed to people like these. Well let me go straight to the core. The reason why this is sad and hurtful and why people can manipulate you, use or abuse you is because they are the people closest to you and have access to your public and private spaces.

They could be your business partner, colleague, your boss, even spouse, neighbor, relative or even a church member.

Here are some ideas I hope you find useful in considering the way you should treat or deal with the users and the abusers.

1. Be careful of your own blindspots and know yourself better.

Always be open to your trusted people’s opinions. I would listen and pay attention to the advice of The Ilocana (a term of endearment for my wife of many years). Yes, she may not know all the intricacies of the business but she certainly knows me. My kids do research for me, they can sound me off with warnings and tell me horror stories of what these charming snakes do outside my perimeters. I will have to put my own excitement in check and do more due diligence before entering any business deals with these people.

2. Refuse to do business with these kinds.

These charming manipulators can promise you the moon and the stars and Jones Bridge for all I care but being burnt once means it was a mistake and to continue to play with fire and being burnt again will have to be credited to my personal stupidity.

Sure we need to forgive them for what they have done and God is the ultimate Judge but we should never forget their dishonesty because they have caused harm and are liable to do it again.

3. Accept the brutal fact.

Manipulators as charming as they appear to be are like psychopaths and they have no conscience at all. And yes, they need to be charming and attractive in order to use and abuse people and once they have; they will turn and destroy you. As you deal with them, accept the fact that you do not have the power to change them and it is hard for them to change their ways unless a divine miracle of conversion takes place in their hearts – that is the good news. The bad news is that you are not the miracle worker.

4. Have the courage to unmask them.

It is our obligation to unmask deception and to protect others from falling for their schemes. Tell them that what they are doing is wrong. Being quiet and silent is an affirmation of the wrongness they are doing. Do not be bitter in spirit but with a heart of wanting to help, tell them the truth and unmask the falsehoods. They may hurt you and may offend you but at least you may no longer qualify in the famous quote that says: “The best way for evil to triumph is to have good people do nothing.”

Do not be taken by charm. Because somebody says “The word charismatic in the dictionary is located close to the word charlatan.”

(Bestselling book author and productivity expert Todd Henry, Francis Kong and a host of successful leaders will talk about Passion, Purpose and Productivity in a whole day conference entitled: “Die Empty” on November 9, 2017 at Samsung Hall, SM Aura. For registration or inquiries contact April at +63928-559-1798).