Let them grow up

School officials tell me. Guidance counselors inform me. School owners shake their heads and confide in me. They say the situation today is totally different.

There was a time when schools would call up parents requesting for a meeting because their children have not behaved well. The kids would cower in fear. The parents would be anxious. They would visit the principal and listen to tales of their kids’ misbehavior. Then they would promise to cooperate with the school and discipline the kids.

I have found myself in this predicament many times. The school would call our attention, most probably because our kid messed up and we need to offer our support and full cooperation in correcting our child. This is of course for their own good.

Times are different now. Many parents are so combative that they don’t wait to be summoned to school. They barge into the schools and confront teachers and demand an explanation as to why their kids are getting low test scores or why their school project has gotten a failing mark. These parents argue with the teachers and “defend” their kids, and in doing so have unwittingly equipped their kids with a sense of “entitlement” that has robbed their kids from experiencing character building and maturation.

The situation is getting worse. I have had HR practitioners tell me tales of how young employees having trouble in the work place would bring their parents to the office to fight with their bosses or the HR people. These parents have mistaken the corporate HR office as their kids’ principal’s office and are still living their kids’ lives for them. This is so dumb!

Many parents do not want to have their kids experience disappointment, and there are many so-called “experts” who advise parents to be their children’s best friends, never to scold them, to reason with them so as not to cause low self-esteem and destroy their confidence.

Here is my take on this. If we do not want our kids to be disappointed then that is easy to accomplish. DON’T SET EXPECTATIONS! Without any set expectations, the kids can do what they want without fear of failure. And when they enter the work place and deal with demanding bosses, they can always have their parents defend them and find other options for them to consider.

Have we over-protected them? Have we sheltered them too much? I don’t know, but I certainly didn’t do those to my kids when they were growing up. I made them understand hard work. I trained them to be responsible. If they wanted something, they worked for it. If they made mistakes, they corrected them. Today I see them productive and responsible, and I see them on their way to building their own businesses and careers. This did not come easy for them.

They are my friends now, but I was first their dad before I became their friend. They have so many friends out there, but they only have one father and I need to fulfill that role.

I wasn’t too hard on them; I merely showed them that there are consequences to any action they take. I had scolded and disciplined them. I showed them that they can have anything they want as long as they work for it and are responsible at the same time.

Today we all enjoy each other’s companies. They’re not young anymore, but this is the best time for us to be friends. A parent’s refusal to go through the pain and discomfort of disciplining the kids with love is a clear indication that the love for the kid is not really there. That is a fact.

Don’t try to be “cool.” That may come off as inauthentic. Do not desire to win the affection and admiration of your kids and to have them as your fans. They are your children, and it takes a great amount of maturity and responsibility to do parenting well. What is worse than being “un-cool” is being “unreal.”

If we want our kids to grow up, as parents we first show them that we are grown up. This is the way it has to be.

(Mark your calendars. Francis Kong will team up with famous speaker and author Krish Dhanam on May 15 in a whole day seminar entitled Achieving Peak Performance at EDSA Shangri-La Hotel. For further inquiries contact Inspire at 09158055910 or call 632-6310912 for details.)