Know when to hold and when to fold

In difficult and challenging situations you can take one of two appropriate communication response directions: you either “talk and talk and talk” to truly bring out your messages, or keep silent, which by all measures is also a strategy.

When President Duterte warned about being forced to declare martial law if the Supreme Court continued to interfere in his crackdown on illegal drugs, many legislators and ordinary citizens alike raised a howl about it. A number of senators, though, say that he is not serious about it. Chief Justice Maria Lourdes Sereno — the one who elicited this extreme reaction from Duterte with her instruction that judges tagged by the government as drug coddlers should not surrender unless a warrant was issued for their arrest — chose to keep silent. “Many things have been said; there is no need to add to what has been said,” Sereno averred.

In today’s environment, there is often a temptation to say, share or spin too much. And in an environment where too much talk and spin have become dangerous liabilities, to shut up and to move on quietly is the better way to go. “Shut up, move on,” is a mantra you can recite when you are acting or thinking in a way that is blocking your facility to do well. It doesn’t necessarily mean, “getting over it” or “pulling yourself together” — although there may be occasions when both responses are essential. To “shut up” is to suspend what you’re doing, and take time out to reflect, review, release ill feelings and unconstructive beliefs that encumber your potential. To “move on” is looking forward to tomorrow, hopefully rosier, healthier and richer. It urges you to look for new possibilities, to plan, think and translate thoughts into action.

You can tell the person you are arguing with to “shut up and move on,” but make sure you deliver it without an insulting tonality. You can “shut up and move on” and get problem situations over and done with without sounding unreasonable. In this age, angry argumentation won’t help anyone anymore.

Professional speaker and author Paul McGee offers some “shut up, move on” principles that tackle the challenge of handling nervous tensions and anxieties more positively and help manage, motivate and lead people through behavior and attitude transformations. If you are grappling with everyday living, these tenets can assist in making your business and life concerns more manageable.

• The most important person you will ever talk to is yourself. Nobody will take responsibility for your own life with extreme care and passion but you. Stop reproaching other people for what is happening to you and refrain from being tagged as a victim. It is all too convenient to hold something, someone or everything responsible for what is happening to you, but you have to take accountability for how you respond to and deal with difficult circumstances. “You are 100 percent responsible for your own happiness. Other people aren’t responsible. Your spouse isn’t. You alone are. So if you are not happy, it’s up to you to change something. It’s not up to someone else to ‘fix it’ for you,” Dr. Gerald Bell articulates.

• If you want things to be different in your life, you have to make different choices and take different actions. If you alter or redirect the way you think, your own behavior and how others see you change. And it will most likely make your dire situation get better and generate your desired result. Delete self-doubt from your system and assume an air of confidence to usher in opportunities that have evaded you because of your unsure and laidback attitude. Manage what and how you think, deal with your emotions carefully, and be clear about what actions to take and the kind of results you want to achieve. Stop faulty thinking anchored on the false beliefs that you lack value, and that talking and thinking about something for extended periods is an adequate substitute for taking action. What happens to you is not brought about by fate, luck or other people’s actions, but you and you alone.

• If you’re heartbroken it’s normal to feel sad for a time, but this should be temporary. Wallow in depression if you must, but snap out of it quickly. Your negative feelings must not linger or you get drowned out.  Move on. The more times you replay your disheartening story, the more you relive it.

• Your understanding and awareness of other people’s worlds is critical. Increase it. Picture a beach ball between you and the person in front of you. Your side of the ball is green with red stripes and his is yellow with orange dots — two different views of the same ball. No matter how rabid your stand is you will not be able to convince the other person that your perspective is the right and acceptable standpoint. Two opposing views, though, do not necessarily mean one has to be wrong. Accepting other people’s point of view, allowing you to have a full understanding of it, and dealing with differences are critical factors in improving relationships. Thus, you are better armed to handle things and issues if you appreciate what influences your own and other people’s outlook. McGee states, “The key to success is having the awareness to appreciate — in the words of the French novelist Anaïs Nin — we see the world not as it is but as we are. It’s recognizing that we see events through our own mental filters and give our own meaning to those events — a meaning which may be very different to someone else’s.”

• Great ideas, grand goals and noble intentions are meaningless without great actions. Move intention to action. Carpe diem. Put theory into practice and actually do and achieve something. You achieve success in life not just because you take charge of your thinking, but also because your thinking propels you into taking action.

• It is important to know when to hold and when to fold. Don’t leave your future to chance. What it will look like is largely your own making. Expand your definition of success and recognize that a more fulfilling future waits you when you focus on your career, relationships, recreation and contribution. Keep a cool head always, and avoid shooting your mouth off and getting yourself into trouble, especially when life’s circumstances test you. Make sure that as you “shut up, move on,” you come out reasonable and credible. As you know, it is much harder to correct a mistake than to get it right the first time.

To “shut up, move on” is worth considering when dealing with change, building better relationships, developing a resilient attitude to life, maintaining morale and motivation, dealing with stress, inspiring confidence, releasing potential, building character, and creating possibilities. It’s a choice that can spell the difference between success and continued incongruity.

* * *

Email bongosorio@gmail.com for comments, questions or suggestions. Thank you for communicating.